Be Still My Heart
by chibi-angel3
Summary: [KK] In a time when people were divided into social classes, dictated by strict religion and bounded by the code of the samurai, two amazing lovers break all the rules known to society for the sake of their forbidden love. Chap13 &1 4 UP! slight LIME
1. Prologue

Standard Disclaimers Apply. Prologue 

            Kaoru Kamiya stood behind the door that lead to her father's room. It was slightly ajar, and through the small opening, she watched as one of their servants diligently dabbed small amounts of perfume oil in the corners of the room. She inhaled deeply, allowing herself to be intoxicated with the scent. 

_'Jasmine. Mother's scent',_ she said to herself as she closed her eyes, envisioning the beautiful face of her departed mother. '_Mother, give me the strength to do this'._

            Shortly, the servant left the room, bowing in reverence to her young mistress as she passed. Kaoru nodded in acknowledgement as she stepped into the room. "How was you meal, father?" she asked, kneeling down beside the futon and holding her father's hands. 

            "Very delicious, Kaoru," he replied, smiling at his beloved only daughter.           

Kaoru watched her father with loving eyes as she observed his condition sadly.

Her father, once a powerful and strong daimyo, lay in his bed, helpless. He was once a mighty warrior who had fought bravely in many battles. Unfortunately, after his last encounter, he had been crippled.

Aritomo Yamagat raised his sandy hand, caressing his daughter's cheek tenderly and said, smiling weakly, "Do not look at me with such sad eyes, daughter. Is there something bothering you?"

Kaoru nodded as she laid her hands in her lap. Looking down to hide her anger, she began, "Shishio Makoto came to visit this morning."

Aritomo's face lit up when his best and most trusted retainer was mentioned. "Did he bring us good news? Has the shogun heard of our recent victory?" he asked eagerly as he struggled to sit up on the futon to be level with his daughter's eyes.

Kaoru shook her head violently and replied, "He came for other reasons, Father."

"Kaoru, tell me, is there something wrong?" He placed his hands on her arms, lightly shaking them.

"Shishio had rebelled."

"What?" he exclaimed, eyes widening in astonishment, "That can't be true! He had served us loyally for…"

"…too long," she finished. "Father, he wants more. He said that if it hadn't been for him, you would've been dead in your last fight -- that it was he who saved your life, and that without him, you would have lost your land anyway." Closing her eyes, she continued bitterly, "Father, he wants legitimate rights to our whole land."

"What? That is absurd!"

Kaoru took a deep breath as she started with her explanation, "He said that he deserves more than what you have give him and that, with you, crippled…" She paused for a moment to meet her father's enraged gaze. "… he doubted that you'd be able to be an effective daimyo. According to him, the land might fall or be usurped under your incapable power."

"Why that no-good rat! Traitor indeed! How dare he be so damned condescending!" he growled in utmost fury.

"Father, he is challenging you to a duel that would take place in six months! I told him that it is prohibited, but he won't listen to me."

"Kaoru, don't worry," he said, breathing slowly to restrain himself from yelling. "We shall put an end to this, and we will give him his rightful punishment."**__**

"It is not that simple…"

"Go and gather the warriors. I wish to speak with them."

"I can't," she said, her face austere.

"Why?" Aritomo asked, pursing his lips as he expected the worst.

Kaoru sighed, but she managed to retain her calm façade. She couldn't show any panic, nor hatred. She needed to collect herself for the sake of her father. "Shishio has warned them not to intervene in this matter. I have already spoken with the head retainers, but they have proclaimed their support for Shishio."

"What is this, a mutiny?" he banged his fist on the tatami, eyes twitching in disbelief.

Kaoru sat closer to him, stroking his back to pacify him. "Father, please calm down."

"Calm down? What do you mean 'calm down'? Can't you see that I can't fight in this condition?" he snapped bitterly, not meeting her eyes.

"I know that," she replied. She knew that it would deeply hurt her father's pride for her to say those words, but she needed to tell him the truth. There was no point beating around the bush. So little time was left. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "I also know that you can't report this to the shogun because Shishio saved your life."

"A life for a life," he sighed. "If he challenges me to a duel, the most honorable thing for me to do is to accept. Call Shishio and tell him that I accept his challenge."

"No father! You can't! That would be suicide!" she exclaimed.

"Death had always been the honorable path of a warrior," he replied gravely.

"No!" she snapped more firmly. "I won't let you do this! I have everything figured out already."

Not listening to her protests, Aritomo placed his hand on hers and began, "Kaoru-chan, I am sorry for burdening you with this. I really am. I should have listened to your mother when she warned me about Makoto Shishio." Looking into her eyes, he continued, "When upheaval ensues, I want you to stay at the Takani's in Aizu."

Kaoru placed her free hand on top of his and announced, "I'm not going anywhere, Father. Please listen to me. I have a plan."

"No, Kaoru. Whatever it is—"

"I will go to Genzai-sensei's school to train and improve my skills in kenjutsu." Smiling proudly, she then declared, "And… as your daughter, I will fight for your place."

"Kaoru that is crazy!" He took his hands away from her as a sign of his disapproval as he shook his head violently.

"Shishio knew that you are unable to fight in your condition, and that is why he said that you can have anyone take your place, that is, if there is someone willing enough." Clenching her fists she said in a low tone, "Father, I am willing enough."

"No!"

"Father—"

"Do you want to dishonor me!?" he demanded.

"The honor at stake here is not just yours, but our family's," she snapped back.

His expression remained firm as he stared at the wall.

Trying to reach inside her father, she cupped his hands. "Do you remember Hojo Masako? You were the one who taught me about her strength and will-power, right?" Closing her eyes, she said resolutely, "I am not going to dishonor myself and my mother's memory by letting you go and take the challenge when you are unable to fight in your fullest capabilities."

"Kaoru, I will not allow you to go!" he yelled, shoving her away.

At that, she stood up and headed to the door. She turned her head for the last time.  "I am not asking your permission. I am merely informing you. My mind is set."

As she was about to walk away, her father chocked out, "Kaoru-chan, don't go…"

In an instant, Kaoru was at her father's side again. She knelt down beside him. Trying another strategy to convince the equally stubborn daimyo, she began, "Father, I am proud of the way you and mother raised me. "

Aritomo knew where their conversation was headed. He knew about Kaoru's infallible determination. He knew that he couldn't win this battle with his daughter. A battle he had lost before it has even begun. She had a point.

Pulling her into his embrace, he whispered, "I am too. Your mother was a smart, strong-willed, stubborn, and beautiful woman -- just like you. She didn't want to bring you up as a traditional woman restricted by the standards of the society, so we educated you, trained you in kenjutsu, taught you politics, and opened your eyes to the reality of our world."

"For that I am most thankful, Father. Allow me to use this intellect and skill you have taught me. Allow me to use it for us, to protect us. Father, I know that it will be hard for you to let me go but please, trust me. Trust that your years of patience with me have paid off. Trust that I won't disappoint you." For the first time in the duration of their talk, she pleaded.

"I will never be disappointed in you." He smiled. "Oh Kaoru, I am so proud of you. You are just like your mother, equal in beauty, wisdom and bravery."

"Thank you, Father."  She pulled back, bowing down in gratitude. Her father nodded in acknowledgement as she stood up to leave.

"Kaoru-chan…" he called out just in time before she closed the door.

"Yes?"

"Samurai training grounds are strictly for men only."

"I know that," she replied, eyes gleaming with mischief.

Aritomo smiled in utmost pride as he whispered, "I love you, Kaoru. Take care."

"I will and I'll be back."

Author's Notes: 

I had always wanted to do a star-crossed lovers fic! ^__^ Anyhoo, as you may have noticed, this is a pre-Bakumatsu fic. I had done a modern setting, now I want to try something new… to move back in time to explore a different premise for the lovers.

Kenshin will appear on the next chapter! **Special thanks to Mir** for all her wonderful help! She had given me wonderful insights regarding Japanese culture that had greatly improved the plot of this fic.

Research Notes:

_This fic is not set in early feudal Japan but I wanted to give you a background where Kaoru's upbringing was based._

In the early feudal period, samurai women were expected to be loyal and brave. In certain cases, she is also expected take on the duty of revenge to protect their family honor. Since her warrior husband was often absent, the samurai wife also had to be responsible for the food and all the household supplies. She managed the harvesting of crops,  the servants, and the financial business. She is in-charge of providing education and instilling values to their children.   
During war, women sometimes had to defend their homes that is why they were trained in weaponry. That time, women used daggers and naginata. Daggers were hidden  in their sleeves or sashes and would throw with deadly aim when necessary. The **naginata**, on the other hand, is a long, curved sword.   
 Hojo Masa-ko is a strong-willed woman who took over the shogunate after her husband, the first shogun Yoritomo Minamoto, died in 1199.  She is also  known as "Mother Shogun," has been referred to as the founder of the shogunate.  
_About retainers:_  
Retainers are the ones who guard the daimyo's land and expand the land and power for him. They give their complete and unwavering loyalty to the feudal landowners and in return, they receive land and position. 

Vocabulary: 

bushi**- **name given to all the warriors who made up families with a warrior tradition  

daimyo- a feudal lord who maintained a great number of samurai in their service.

shogun- this is title given by the emperor of that time to the richest and most powerful daimyo.

Please leave me a review! Keep me inspired!!! Make me happy! 


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One 

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**

For the rest of the evening until early dawn, Kaoru Kamiya packed her things, preparing for the journey that will determine her family's fate. She had a hard time sleeping that night. No matter how determined she is about her decision, she still felt scared about the uncertainties of the future. She may be willing and able but those are not the only things needed in the world.

~~~~~

The next day, she took out her baggage as she waited for the carriage to arrive.

She sighed, _Next stop… Kyoto._

Misao peered at her thoughtful face and asked, "Kaoru-sama, are you sure about this?"

Snapped out of her musings, she replied, "Yes, Misao. Why do you ask?"

"Its just that…" she began, bowing her head slightly. "I don't know, my lady. Pardon me for asking but—"

Noting her hesitation, she blue-eyed woman of the two reassured, "Misao, you don't have to be formal with me, you had been like a sister to me." 

"Really?" she smiled.

"Yes," she smiled back. Going back to the previous matter, she asked, "Now, what is it that you wanted to ask?

Looking straight at her eyes to confirm her determination, she inquired, "How do you expect to be admitted in that school? Won't they check your background or something?"

"That won't be necessary. Genzai-sensei's family and my family had been friends for generations now. He had returned my mail and granted me the favor. He said that he will talk to the head masters personally."

"Would he tell that you are a female?"

"I hope not," she sighed. "I don't want them to go easy on me.  Women traditionally aren't allowed to practice beside men, and I don't think that the idea of a woman training there would sound good to their ears."

Looking at the horizon, Misao added sadly, "It's unfortunate, isn't it, Kaoru? Before these era, we women were regarded better, if not equally as men at least we were not treated as objects or possessions like they do now."

"I know, Misao." Trying to lighten the mood, Kaoru beamed, "Aren't you glad that my parents raised both of us differently?"

"Yes. You know, I am very, very lucky to have served your family."

"Mother never had another child and because of that, my parents treated you as their daughter as I, your sister."

"That is why I promise that I will always be by your side to serve you and be your friend."

Kaoru pulled her close for a hug as she whispered to her ear, "I am lucky, too, that I have you." A lone tear escaped her eye as she pulled back, "Imagine the loneliness I felt as an only child."

"The carriage is here," Misao announced as she embraced Kaoru for one last time.

"Yes," she nodded. "I better get going." With that, she picked up her bags as she walked towards her transport to Kyoto.

"Kaoru, good luck. I am going to miss you," Misao waved.

"You, too, Misao," she called out from the carriage window. "Take care of father while I am away!!!"

"Be careful, Kaoru!"

Kaoru smiled at her best friend for the last time as the horses began to gallop away.

I can do this. I know I can, she assured herself as she sat back, relaxed and enjoyed the trip.

~~~~~

After a long and tedious journey, she had finally arrived at her destination. She stepped out of the carriage, feigning machismo, and greeted her old friend with a wide smile. Trying to mimic her father's speech father, she bowed slightly and said,  "Genzai-sensei, good afternoon."

"Kamiya, pleasure seeing you here," Dr. Genzai welcomed with an equally wide smile on his face. He eyed Kaoru from head to toe, noting the way her hair was tied up in a high ponytail, the way her gi and hakama fit her body well enough to hide her curves and the way she carried herself with much subtle poise and confidence. He smiled proudly at the way she had grown up. "Have you talked to your father about this?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"Come," he said, showing her the way. "Let's continue our meeting inside the office."

Kaoru followed him close behind as she looked around the dojo area, observing the place carefully. It was a simple-looking dojo yet its sturdiness was also apparent because of its age. A tinge of sakura fragrance filled the air as battle cries could be heard in the background.

Peculiarly, Kaoru felt at ease with her surroundings. She felt as if she belonged there. 

As she entered Genzai-sensei's workplace, she bowed down in reverence. "I really appreciate this. Thank you very much for granting our family with this favor." 

"Nonesense!" he exclaimed, motioning her to kneel across him. " It was all in good intentions."

Looking straight into the man's eyes, she asked in an unassuming manner, "Sir, I need to ask you… does anybody else knows?"

"No," he replied. "For now."

"What do you mean?" she inquired, raising her eyebrows.

"The trainers and masters of the swords here are very, very good," he began. "I cannot underestimate their abilities and assure you that they will never find out," Genzai-sensei informed her gravely.

"Oh…" her face fell when his words sank in.

 "Now, would you like me to tell them beforehand or would you like to wait until they find out for themselves? Let me warn you that if the latter happened, it would make things more complicated and difficult for you.

"What if tell them now and they refuse to admit me here?"

"What if they find out soon enough that you won't get the chance to train anyway," he countered.

Bowing her head, she humbly said, "I seek your counsel on this matter."

"I don't want to influence your decision in any way, my child. I'm sorry, please understand the choice is yours only to make."

She nodded understandingly and asked, "Who do you think are those I cannot hide my secret from?"

"Let me see," he rubbed his chin. "Honestly, you have nothing to worry about in terms of the doctrinal teachers. But…"

"That 'but' means bad news right?"

"I am afraid so. Our top kenjutsu trainers are Hiko Seijurou and Saitoh Hajime. Both are great masters of the sword, cunning and sly. Other than their ability to sense ki, I believe that nothing had ever gotten passed them. I am sure that they will see right through you the minute they meet you."

Kaoru shifted nervously on her seat as she laughed half-heartedly, "Then, should I be scared of them?"

"I commend you for your bravery, Kaoru-chan, but there are rules that cannot be broken. Although I am the head of this school, certain people are not to be crossed." He looked at her compassionately as he waited patiently for her assessment.

"Well, then." Taking a deep breath to muster up all her courage, she proclaimed her decision, "I believe, with the information that you had given me, it is best to inform them."

"Wise decision. I shall call for them, now," Genzai-sensei stood up and went towards the door, smiling at her to show his approval on her decision as he called out, "Himura! Himura!"

In seconds, a handsome, red-haired man with amethyst eyes appeared at the door and smiled, "Yes?"

Kaoru gasped at the sight of him as their eyes locked, _Be still my defiant heart. _She looked away almost immediately as she bowed her head to hide her evident blush. _What's happening to me!? Stop it_ _Kamiya Kaoru! _her mind reprimanded. _You can't drool at the sight of every single samurai here!!_

"Ask Hiko-sensei and Saitoh-sensei to come to my office now," Genzai-sensei ordered.

"Yes, sir," he bowed down, glancing at the newcomer once again. _There is something odd about him. I am quite sure something strange is going on, I just can't place a finger on it._

As the red-head left, Genzai-sensei returned to his seat and asked her, "Are you prepared for this?"

"No," she replied sincerely. Despite her negative response, the strong-willed landlady kept her steadfast bearing as she sat back, silently waiting for her judges.

"What are you planning to tell them?"

"The truth."

Just then, a knock was heard as two tall and intimidating figures appeared. 

Dr. Genzai and Kaoru stood up and bowed down to greet them.

The larger-built of the two, who was wearing a white cape and holding a jar of sake on one hand, asked, "Genzai-sensei, what is it that you want to confer to us?"

"Is it about this _woman_ in your office dressed like a man?" the one smoking a cigarette smirked.

Genzai-sensei nodded, "Hiko Seijurou and Saitoh Hajime, this is Kamiya Kaoru. Daughter of Aritomo Yamagata."

"Ah yes. Aritomo, one of the famous daimyos in Hakone in attendance at the Edo court," Hiko said while rubbing his chin. "What brings you here?"

"I came here to train and to learn the ways of the samurai. I need to hone my skills for an important family matter," she replied, looking at the two masters straight in the eyes to prove her seriousness.

"What makes you think that the school is going to admit you?" Saitoh sneered.

"Dr. Genzai had already agreed," she answered, glancing at Genzai-sensei for approval.

The old man nodded.

"Arrogant, aren't you?" Hiko retorted.

Kaoru bowed down reverently, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude. Please hear me out."

At that, she began to impart to them the events that happened from the beginning of the battle up to Shishio's challenge. She didn't leave any element out, wanting to relay precise details to them.

Fortunately, the two just sat down and listened to her in silence as they both gauged the situation.

After her narration, she nodded, acknowledging them to state their comments.

Hiko was the first to speak. "If that is the case, why don't you let your father fight his retainer and die the honorable way?"

"I will never allow that to happen!" she replied with much conviction.

At her sudden outburst, Saitoh cocked an eyebrow, "Woman, aren't you taught about your position in the society?"

Gathering back her composure, she smiled, "No. My mother, Miharu Kamiya, raised me differently."

"Miharu Kamiya?" Saitoh repeated almost unbelievingly.

"Yes, my father married her eighteen years ago." Kaoru looked at him quizzically, obviously taken aback at his reaction.

"Interesting."

Unable to contain her curiosity, she asked, "If you don't mind me asking, why is that so?"

"I do mind," he brushed off.

Kaoru frowned at the rudeness of the _wolf_ in front of him. _I am sure he knows my mother. His earlier reaction proved that. I wonder how…_

After hearing the exchanges of both parties, Genzai-sensei turned to Hiko and Saitoh, asking, "Are you willing to grant this lady the approval that she asks?"

Hiko nodded, obviously amused at the situation while Saitoh replied flatly, his face passive, "No."

At this point, Kaoru felt that keeping her pride was of no use. She needed to train so badly but in order to do that she needed to convince them. Slowly, she laid down, face flat on the floor in utter desperation as she pleaded, "Please good sir. I beg you. I need to do this to protect the honor of my father and my mother's memory."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, my mother had passed away years ago and she taught me that even as a woman I can protect our land, our family and our honor. As a swordsman and a teacher  in this society, I know how much you understand me in terms of the value of honor. Please sir, do reconsider."

Saitoh faced his back on her as he growled, "Go to your room."

"What!?" Kaoru looked up at him bewildered to no end.

"Don't make me say it twice, Kamiya."

"Does that mean that I am in?" she smiled, unable to contain her happiness as she glanced at Genzai-sensei.

The old man nodded as he motioned her to stand up.

"Thank you very much! Thank you!" she exclaimed.

"Conceal your identity well," Hiko ordered sternly. "We are not going to be responsible for any consequence that may happen if it be revealed."

"I understand," she nodded respectfully.

"Baka deshi will escort you to your room." 

_Baka deshi? _

"Baka deshi!!!!!" Hiko bellowed.

"Yes, sensei?" Kenshin stumbled in front of the door in his haste.

"Escort Kamiya-san to his quarters in the left wing," he ordered.

Kaoru nodded, picking up her bags as she followed Himura's lead without meeting his eyes.

As soon as Kaoru left, Hiko turned to Saitoh and asked, "What was that about? "

"I am not doing this for her. I am doing this for Miharu," he replied as he inhaled his cigarette deeply.

"Why?"

"It's the least I can do for her." He puffed out the smoke as he darted his eyes on the window.

"Would you care to expound?" Genzai-sensei interjected.

"I would greatly appreciate it if the matters would not be pressed. Excuse me, but I have classes to attend to," Saitoh growled in a low voice.

The old man escorted him out as he said, "I understand."

Hiko bowed to Genzai-sensei as he, too, went out of the room.

~~~~~

Kaoru stared at Himura's back as she followed him towards her room. She sighed audibly, smiling inwardly at her triumph. _I am in! I am finally in! I have exactly six months to hone my skills. Hopefully, it would be enough to beat Shishio. I have to do this. I cannot afford to lose._

Kenshin stopped in front of the door leading to her room as he waited for her to precede him. "Kamiya-dono, this is your room while you stay here. You are going to be briefed of the rules by Saitoh-sensei during your first class with him. Dinner is served at exactly 8:00 so you are expected to be in the dinning hall by then."

Kaoru nodded.

"Go straight ahead then turn right at the first corridor and enter the third door to the left, understand?"

Kaoru smiled in affirmation as she unconsciously fiddled with her hands.

Kenshin bowed down to her as he walked away.

Kaoru closed the door as she turned around to lean on it, sighing heavily. "At least one of them is not cold." _In two hours, I am going to face samurais from all over Japan._ Taking a deep breath, she smiled, "I can do this!"

**Author's Notes:**

Hey there! Sorry if updates had been slowing down. I had pretty busy I hadn't even caught up with my reading. Anyhoo… I hope you like this chapter! More K/K interaction in the next chapter!! ^_^ Send me your feedbacks, okay? 

If anyone is interested in drawing fanarts for me… I would really appreciate it!

Special thanks to my darling reviewers!!! 

Michy, Kamira_ruki- thanks! That is so sweet of you!

Skipper, Jackson- hey calm down! ^__^ thanks for that sugar! More chaps to come!

Nemo- thanks! I spent a considerable amount of time, researching them.

Joey-chan- thanks a lot! I'll try to upload faster! You see, I have other fics that I am working on. I promise to upload sooner.

Kamimura Kaoru- of course I won't forget my other ficcy! ^_^

Jasmine's Scent- yup its girl power this time! Kenshin always does the saving, ne?

Omochi- ehehe… just wait until things get really interesting. ^__^

Hiniku no Kotsuzui- thanks! Mir helped me a lot!

SweetAznPnai4eva- Kenshin will appear in the next chap.

Genesis- Thanks I'll try.

JML- Yup! All in the name of love!

Inuki- Kenshin saving her? I don't know yet. We'll see.

Dementedchris- well, you of all people should know that. Thanks for keeping me rooted. I have more than 10 chapters too revise since baka chibi-angel made a MAJOR mistake! About the ending? We'll see.

Neoworshipper- WAII! I love star-crossed lovers too!!!

Vesca, Chibigreenwizardmon, Marstanuki- I know… why you know me… I always try to push the limit! ^_~

Sakuracherryblossom, Mokona, Chikai Tenshi, Oro101, MP, Onna, Tsuki-sama- Thanks! How are you? I haven't heard from you in a while!

Claria, Hotohori, Gypsy-chan, Nikki O'Neil- The beginning may seem to be based on Mulan but I assure you the similarities will end there. Ohohohoho!!! Wait and see.

Nimbus Rey- Hehehe… you have read my mind. I have a plan for that.

Keep the reviews coming! Inspire me! Check out my other updates and my new songfic! Its my first songfic so I would really appreciate it if you would tell me what you think! ^_^ 

Hugs, Mir! Thanks!

Leave me a review! 


	3. Chapter Two

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**

**Chapter Two**

As usual, Kenshin woke up early that morning to start his daily routine. He changed from his night yukata to his favorite pink gi and white hakama, ran his fingers through his mop-like hair, and slipped on his purple socks. He then smiled, breathing in the fresh scent of early morning. Picking up a metal platter and a worn-out sheath, he gazed at the rising sun as he began the call that announced breakfast.

*Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!*

From inside her room, Kaoru moaned loudly as she pulled her blanked over her head to cover her ears.

*Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!*

"What is that horrible noise?" she groaned.

"Kamiya-dono! Wake up! It's 5:30 in the morning! Time for breakfast! I am sorry I forgot to inform you yesterday. You had better come out quickly or Shishou will make you wash dishes the whole day," Kenshin called from outside her door as he continued to hammer the two metal objects together.

Kaoru stood up, fighting to keep her eyes open as she mumbled something like, "Wait a minute. I'll be right out, Misao." Standing on the line between reality and dreamland, she drowsily opened the door expecting to see Misao bringing her a tray of food.

What she saw was a handsome red-head making the awful noise that had woken her up.

Completely stunned, she felt as if she had been abruptly jolted back to the conscious world. She immediately closed the door when she realized that she was wearing only a yukata, a loosened yukata for that matter, which would have revealed something more than her true gender.

"Oro! Kamiya-dono?" Kenshin squeaked, looking baffled as the new pupil slammed the door on his face.

In record speed, Kaoru undressed herself, bound her breasts, and donned her training uniform. She didn't even bother to comb her hair properly. She just took out an elastic and tied it up just like how the other samurai fixed their hair. She opened the door, smiled, and greeted in a low tone, "Good morning!"

"Good morning to you, too, Kamiya-dono," Kenshin greeted while bowing down slightly.

Kaoru also bowed to him as she headed towards the dinning hall. Noticing that nobody was following her, she turned around and asked, "Himura-san, aren't you coming, too?"

He shook his head in negation, "I have work to do." With that, he returned the pot and sheathe where it belonged as he walked away.

Kaoru stared at his retreating figure, smiling inwardly, '_He must be one of the better samurai in this school to be given so much responsibility.'  _Shrugging to herself, she turned around and ran towards the dinning room where the other samurai where proceeding_._

"You're late," Hiko announced to the whole populace as she stepped inside.

"I'm very sorry, Hiko-sensei." Kaoru bowed down. "Genzai-sensei had not told me about the dojo rules yet."

"Hiko-san, don't worry, I'll take care of that." Turning to Kaoru, Saitoh ordered sternly, "Kamiya-san, see me in my room after your meal,"

"As you wish."

Kaoru sat at an empty place at the back of the room. She quietly observed the demeanor of her fellow students like she had the night before. She noted the varied character each student projected. Some were aloof, and others were like rowdy teenagers, but none were like Himura who was warm and friendly but at the same time, blanketed with a thick air of mystery. Either that or a strong mixture of compassion and battle ki. Her senses were not that sharp in detecting ki, but his was strong enough, stronger than most. The room was filled with conversations until Genzai-sensei and the other distinguished men entered. 

~~~~~

As told, Kaoru went straight to Saitoh's office after eating. A smog of cigarette smoke assailed her senses the minute she opened the door, causing her to cough violently. She held the door open, allowing the smoke to disperse as she fanned her nose to deflect the unwanted gas.

She then bowed to him in reverence as he motioned for her to kneel across him.

Kaoru nodded in acknowledgement but before she sat down, she opened the window to serve as exhaust to the furnace known as Saitoh Hajime.

The wolf just watched her, eyebrow raised as he waited for her to settle down.

"I am very sorry if I was late for breakfast.  It will never happen again," she began.

"Make sure of that because the next time you are tardy, you will not be allowed to come inside the hall."

"I understand." she nodded. 

"Here are the ground rules. You have to follow your teacher's orders, study hard and train well. If you are unable to keep up with the academic and physical standards of this school, we will send you home without reservation."

Kaoru locked her eyes with his to show him that she meant business and that she had no intentions of backing down.

"Breakfast is at 5:30, lunch at 12:00 and dinner at 8:00."

"No tardiness." Kaoru smiled mockingly as she nodded her head for emphasis.

Saitoh smirked at that and continued, "I know that you must have been a little princess back at your home, but while you are here, you will just as hard as rest of the students here."

"I understand."

"Students cook, clean, and wash dishes in turns. In short, you do chores." He pronounced each word with emphasis as if challenging Kaoru. "You are going to cook dinner every Wednesday and Friday, help clean the dojo every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, and wash dishes every Monday and Sunday, lunch time."

Kaoru nodded, mentally noting her work schedule. "What about laundry?" she inquired, tilting her head.

"Each student does his own laundry. You wash your own clothes, blanket, sheets and underclothes at your own free time."

Furrowing her eyebrows, Kaoru took courage to ask the one thing that had been pestering her mind since the start of their conversation. Looking into the wolf's eyes, she asked, "Sir, isn't it improper for men to do such, as they call it, 'womanly' chores?" 

She knew that it was a sexist thing to say but she had to know. Despite the fact that she didn't let herself be restricted by society, she was at a samurai training ground. In short, the place where men boost their ego over women.

Saitoh twitched his lips as he eyed her from head to foot. He narrowed his eyes as he inhaled the stick of nicotine in his hand. "I am completely aware of that Kamiya-san. But in this school, we give our learners holistic training. We teach them not only bushido but also independence.  A samurai should be dependant on no one."

"This is a very unusual samurai training school you have established," she commented as she crossed her arms in front of her.

"Be grateful for that because if it wasn't, you won't be standing here," he replied in a low growl as he puffed out the smoke in front of her face.

Kaoru frowned as she waved her hand to disperse the smoke.  She coughed, "Yes, I am most thankful."

"We impart upon our learners strength and values…"

Kaoru cut him off, sighing exasperatingly. '_I know that, you had given me that speech already!' _"Why the need to teach them housework they won't use once they're married?"

"Because we don't want our men to be ignorant of such menial work left for women."

"I resent that," she stated flatly.

"I know you do, but not all women are like you or your mother," he said as he lit another cigarette.

Kaoru was stunned at his reaction. '_I thought that he would remark something condescending or insult me but… did I just hear him right or is that a compliment?'_ Noting his strained tone when he mention the last word, the novice swordswoman asked, "How did you know my mother?"

With his face not revealing any emotions, he stated flatly, "This is not the right time to discuss that. I should be the one asking the questions."

"Alright, then."

Saitoh took a seat in front of her and began, "How can you be so sure that Shishio isn't attacking your father now?"

Putting her hands in front of her lap, she raised her head and met his eyes. "I had already deliberated about that before I came in here. He may be a scum for wanting to usurp our land, but I trust him. If he had no plans to be true to his words, then he wouldn't have challenged my father in the first place. He would have attacked us then when we were all helpless."

"What if he was just waiting for your departure?"

"That I surely doubt. If he ambushed our home now, I, the sole heir, would still be alive. Although that won't make much difference. I believe that he knows that I am not to be underestimated," she replied with much certainty..

"You are pretty confident, aren't you?" Saitoh commented as he twitched his lips, examining the woman in front of him

"Yes," she replied, not feeling uncomfortable at all at his scrutiny. Wanting to appease him, she smiled, "I am assured of my mother's confidence in you… in the school. If she believed that this is the best, then so will I."

Kaoru was aware that her statement would hit the mark, which was exactly why she deliberately slipped the word 'you', knowing that it would affect Saitoh one way or another.

And it did.

Saitoh stood up and walked towards the window. "Classes will begin in two hours. Be prepared."

"Yes, sir."

"You'll start doing your chores tomorrow."

She stood up and nodded.

"You may now leave," he ordered, not turning to face her.

Kaoru bowed down in reverence as she left the room.

Saitoh drew in another smoke as he stared blankly at the view. '_That girl is just like her mother. Inquisitive. Intelligent. Courageous. But does she have what it takes when she holds a sword before her?'_

Saitoh's musings were cut short when a knock was heard upon his door. "Come in."

The door opened to reveal a tall man with arctic eyes -- Shinomori Aoshi, a great swordsman, hard and unfeeling as ice. The man who could have been a great samurai but chose to be an onmitsu instead. "You called for me?"

"Yes, sit down, Shinomori," Saitoh said, not leaving his earlier position. "I want you to investigate Aritomo Yamagata's status."

"What do you want to know?" Aoshi inquired as he turned his face towards his superior's direction.

"Everything about him and his retainer Shishio Makoto. A carriage will take you to Tokyo. Tell him that you are Genzai-sensei's nephew. Be discreet about your investigation, and report back to me immediately."

Aoshi nodded in understanding. Assessing the case, he began, "If there is a situation—"

"While you are there, make it your duty to protect the household," Saitoh finished, not bothering to let him  finish the routine question.

"Alright." And not wasting any more time, Aoshi left.

Saitoh, on the other hand, remained where he was standing as he closed his eyes, recalling the face of a certain woman that he would never forget.

~~~~~

After the hard day's work, Kaoru slumped onto her futon after dinner. She had never felt more tired but in the same way invigorated. She felt as if her lazy muscles were waking up, and the feeling left her wanting for more. She lay on her back and stared blankly at the ceiling.

'So this is my first day. I had survived it, didn't I? Now, all I have to do is to survive each day for the rest of my stay here. I never really planned to enjoy this… this is not a vacation. Although I do take pleasure in kenjutsu, it's different here. It's cold. The feeling of war and death fills the air. I know it is the reality. The ultimate end of a samurai…'

The samurai's life was like the cherry blossom's, beautiful and brief. For him, as for the flower, death followed naturally, gloriously. [1]

'…but I can't help feeling sad about it.' 

Kaoru shifted on her bed, and this time, she faced her window, giving her a beautiful view of the full moon. Finally, she closed her eyes, surrendering to slumber.

But it eluded her.

After tossing and turning for the next couple of hours, Kaoru decided to gave up. She stood up and donned her gi and hakama as she headed towards the abandoned dojo that Genzai-sensei had pointed our to her during the tour.

Kaoru frowned, gritting her teeth in frustration, '_Mou! If I can't sleep then I won't!! I'll just practice my katas for tomorrow.'_

Kaoru opened the door as she cautiously walked inside the eerie room. She ran her hands along the wall, searching for anything that will provide her light for the night. As a cold wind gusted inside the room, shivers ran down her spine as she recalled the stories about onnis haunting old shrine. Her imagination was going on overdrive as she came up a story in her mind about the real reason why the dojo was 'abandoned'.

Despite the outmost fear she was feeling, she was determined not to back down. That is until soft rustlings were heard from the other side of the room.

Kaoru's heart was beating frantically, screaming  for her to run away, but her feet were frozen to the ground. She darted her eyes nervously from corner to corner as she unsheathed the katana hanging on her waist.

With one swift move, she swung her sword blindly in the room, and her movements were surprisingly countered by another katana, causing a piercing sound to reverberate inside the room.

The metals reflected the light of the moon, illuminating blue and violet gems locked in each other, one in a feral glare while the other in an inquisitive gaze.

_"Who' s there?" a high-strung voice growled._

"What are **you** doing here?" 

Author's Notes:

[1] Quote came from: Ancient Warriors - The Samurai **The Learning Channel (1994)**

I did research on Japan's school system but it was so vague so I just filled in the blanks since this is fiction. Besides, this was how the Chinese used to do it in their monastery…

Thanks to those wonderful people who left me a review! ^__^ You inspire me!

Skipper- I'm glad I made you feel better. Jackson, Amy- thanks a lot! Keep the inspiring reviews coming! ^__^ Claria- that is my fave line, too!!! So hopelessly romantic! ^__^ Konton, Genesis, Willow- read on and find out! No more Kaoru damsel in distress for me! ^_~ Vesca- Of course it'll be a surprise! Just trust me! Hotohori- I will, but I am sorry for not updating as often as before. I have too many things to do. But don't worry… I'll update as much as I can. Marstanuki- my… my… aren't you the perceptive one Dementedchris- well, you know me… I want a slow and painful development stage. Huhuhu!!! Too many undefined things… oh well. SakuraCherryBlossom- his relationship with Kaoru's mom was very important. Without it there would be— oomph! Sorry can't give the story away just now. ^__^ Ro-chan- I'll answer your question in the next couple of chaps, okay? Trust me. ^__^ I have my plans worked out. LittleDragon5- Actually I haven't read Tamora Pierce's Alanna. Hmmm… Mulan? I don't think so… ^___^ maybe kindda but hmmm… they have a lot of difference… read on the next chaps and tell me if it is still like Mulan, okay?

Special thanks to Mir for all the help! ^__^

Leave me review! Tell me what you think! Make me happy!! ^___^


	4. Chapter Three

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**** The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue!!! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Three**

Upon hearing his soft voice break the deafening silence, Kaoru's eyes softened as she squeaked, "Himura?

"Kamiya-dono?" Kenshin asked in recognition as he half-dragged her to the doorway to see her face more clearly.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded softly. "You took ten years of my life! Isn't this supposed to be an abandoned dojo!?" she glared at him, swaying her fingers at each word she articulated.

"It is," he simply replied.

Kaoru raised her eyebrows, beckoning him to explain.

"This is where I live," he sighed as he went inside to light one of the lanterns. He  motioned Kaoru to sit beside him, placing down the lantern.

Kaoru watched as the flickers of light illuminated Kenshin's handsome features. _Don't stare at him Kaoru… don't! You musn't! _Despite the rattles of her mind, she couldn't tear her eyes away from him. 

Just then, Kenshin caught her stare, causing her to blush slightly. If it weren't for the different shades of light the fire offered, Kenshin would have noticed the pink taint on her ivory cheeks. However, he did noted the uneasiness in Kaoru's demeanor. 

Looking away from his penetrating gaze, she asked in a lower tone, "Aren't you supposed to be sleeping in the quarters just like the other trainees?"

"I am not one of you."

"Huh? What!?"

_Oh, right. She still doesn't know._ "I wasn't sent here by a daimyo or a retainer." 

Creasing her eyebrows in deep thought, Kaoru stared at the fire in front of her as she pieced up the information that she had gathered in her short stay. Not meeting his eyes, she began, "Correct me if I am wrong. If you aren't a student as you claim, then why do you call Hiko-sensei, Shishou?"

Kenshin nodded, understanding her confusion. Although he wanted to explain to her the situation, it would too long and complicated and divulging it with someone he just met was improper. Not wanting to leave her hanging, he simply replied, "Shishou is training me Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu."

A pile of questions flooded Kaoru. She wanted to learn so much more… to get to know him well, but she can't. Words didn't came out of her mouth and… she had to lock herself in. 

At this early stage, she knew she shouldn't get attached. 

It would be risky and not to mention, detrimental for her to do that. Unable to give a better reaction, she just nodded.

Silence overcame the two as they watched the dancing fire. Going back the situation at hand, Kenshin looked up and asked, "Kamiya-dono, what are you doing here?"

"Oh," came Kaoru's response as she remembered her earlier resolve. "Ano.. Do you mind if I train here? Since I am new here, I want to warm up and practice for tomorrow." Kaoru slightly bowed her head, peering at his eyes from under her bangs as she waited for his approval.

"Sure, that's alright," he replied, nonchalant about the time. Kenshin stood up as he lit the torches surrounding the dojo, completely lighting the whole training area. __

Kaoru smiled as she got up from her position, walked to the middle and began to stretch.

Surprisingly, Kenshin walked beside her, placing his katana on his side as he asked politely, "Can I practice with you?"

"Okay," she smiled, hiding her astonishment. _Why would he want to practice with me? I am sure he is very, very good with the sword. Oh well, at least he could give me some pointers. _

"Follow my lead," he ordered as he began to do the basic katas he knew was taught to Kaoru earlier that day.

Kaoru closed her eyes, wanting to recall the steps for herself. Almost like dancing with the wind, she executed each move as precisely and gracefully as she can. Just as her mother showed her, she did it, holding her katana lightly.

Just as she finished her newly-learned kata, she began doing the one that her mother taught her.

Kenshin stopped as he realized that she was doing a whole new style. He observed her with an educated eye as he listened to the soft swooping of the wind in accordance to her moves. "Wait, wait," he interrupted.

Kaoru stopped, opening her eyes to look at her companion.

Kenshin walked towards her pressing his fingers gently on her wrists. "Rotate your wrist a little to the left to get the right angle."

Kaoru did as she was told as she found her breathing suddenly becoming shallow at their nearness.

Noticing the speeding of her pulse, Kenshin stepped back, baffled as he remarked, "That's it Perfect!"

Trying to soothe her nerves, Kaoru inhaled deeply, closed her eyes and resumed to where she left off.

When she head finished, she bowed to an imaginary master and then at Kenshin. She smiled at him, looking into his eyes, getting used to its deep, drowning pools.

Kenshin bowed to her in response.

"I can tell that you are a fine swordsman. How long have you been training?" The raven-haired of the two asked as she wiped the sweat on her face.

"Ten years," he replied.

"Really? Then, why are you still stuck here?" Kaoru's eyes widened as she slapped her hand to her mouth.

Kenshin just stared at her with an unintelligible expression.

Realizing her fault, Kaoru bowed down and said sincerely, "Pardon my wrong choice of words, perhaps if I rephrase it, it wouldn't sound so—" 

Kenshin cut her off, pulling her arm to straighten her. He smiled warmly at her, "That isn't necessary." Motioning them to sit, he explained, **"**I still haven't finished my training with Shishou.**"**

"Oh. And what are you going to do after you have completed your training?"

"I don't know. I guess I'll just do whatever I have to in accordance to the code of the samurai. I really have no plans," he shrugged.

"You know, you don't always need to follow the dictates of society. You can make your own destiny," she replied, searching for his eyes.

"Easy for you to say. I can tell that you are a son of a daimyo," he replied, locking his eyes with his.

Kaoru immediately pulled back her hand the minute she heard the word son. _I can't believe I did that!! I almost slipped! Stupid! Wait a minute… _"Huh? How did you know that my father is a daimyo?"

Kenshin took her hands, stroking it gently as he examined it.

Thousands of bolts ran through her skin the minute she felt her touch, it was a wonderful feeling but very much unwelcome. She can't let him do that to her! She wanted to jerk her hand away but she can't. Aside from the suspicions it would arouse, somehow, she felt her hand attracted to his like magnet… that is why she can't pull back.

_Can't or won't? _she asked herself.

Returning her hand to her lap, Kenshin remarked, "Your hands doesn't show any sign of manual labor… only calluses of the sword."

Kaoru stared at him, stupefied at his intelligent deduction.

Kenshin smirked, slightly amused of her stunned reaction, "Let's continue?"

Kaoru nodded, stifling a yawn as she stood up.

"You're sleepy. You can't train well if you are sleepy," he grinned.

"You know what you are right!" Kaoru replied as she picked up her sword to leave. She faced him smiling widely, "Thank you for the pointers and for letting me disturb your rest. I really appreciate it."

As she was about the step outside, thunder pealed and rain poured.

"Mou!!" she sighed in frustration. "Just when I was about to sleep!!" She turned around to face the red-head as she slumped her shoulders, "Looks like our training isn't over yet."

Kenshin nodded, smiling.

"Do you mind if I stay a little longer until the rain dies down?"

"No problem."

With that, Kaoru continued doing her katas with Kenshin at her side, observing her every move, helping her improve her stance. In less than fifteen minutes, fatigue and sleepiness came over Kaoru, causing her to slump on the floor, laying on her back as she closed her eyes in defeat.

"Looks like Kamiya-dono has to bunk in here for the night," Kenshin announced to no one in particular as he went inside.

Kaoru immediately stood up as if jolted back to reality.

Kenshin returned, holding a futon and a blanket. "This is all I have so we have to share. Take your pick, futon or blanket?"

Looking thoughtful for a moment, Kaoru chose the futon over the blanket.

As they were fixing the corners they were going to sleep in, Kenshin asked, "How come you already know how to wield a sword?"

"What do you mean? Most people can swing around a katana," Kaoru giggled nervously.

"That's exactly the point. You just don't _swing it_. I can tell that you have been trained with a certain style of kenjutsu. Besides, you were practicing an original kata a while ago," he pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Well, my mo— father taught me a couple of steps."

"Oh. Good night, Kamiya-dono."

"Good night, Himura-san." These were the last words Kaoru said before she finally fell asleep.

Himura, on the other hand, did not feel sleepy at all. He watched the sleeping back of his comrade, finding the rhythmic raising and falling of _his_ chest relaxing. 

It's been a long time since I had company… since I had someone to talk to. I find it really comforting but there is something utterly wrong about him. I don't know if it is his unusual ki or demeanor but whatever it is, I believe that he is hiding something big… but what? 

Kenshin continued with his contemplation as the rain grew fierce, drafting cold wind inside the dojo. He glanced back at his roommate, noting his shivering form without the blanket. Although he, too, was trembling because of the cold, he felt sorry for the novice. _I had been to worse place than this. He is just a child. An aristocrat, for that matter. _Sighing deeply, Kenshin walked over his sleeping form to drape the blanket on top of him. 

At that exact same moment, Kaoru turned around, loosening her gi and the bandages the covered her breast.

Kenshin stared at the view wide-eyed, utterly shocked and completely stoned to the ground.

His enigma was solved.

But then, her soft eyes fluttered open, revealing bright and innocent eyes, looking at him inquisitively.

**Author's Notes:**

Leave me review! Tell me what you think! Make me happy!! ^___^ Sorry for the delay!! I had been very busy. More to come… More reviews = Faster chapters!

Back to the previous chap…

On to the next chap…

Back to Epics Index

Back to Indulgence


	5. Chapter Four

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**** The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue!!! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Four**

Getting a hold of himself, Kenshin pulled up the blanket to cover her entirely as he placed his fingers on her eyelids, motioning them to close. "Sleep tight, hime-chan," he whispered.

Seeing that Kaoru had dozed off, he sighed in relief. _Kamiya-dono would probably forget about this in the morning. _

Instead of returning to his previous spot in one corner, he sat beside Kaoru's sleeping form, watching her delicate and peaceful face as she sleeps. He tucked a stray hair on her face as he stroked her cheeks gently as if reassuring himself that she was truly there. That she was real not some cruel dream that will take her away when he woke up.

No, it's not that he had fallen in love with her. He just feared that when he woke up, he would be alone again.

Even swordsmen get lonely.

Kenshin cocked one knee as he rested his katana on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, recalling the events that happened ever since he laid eyes on her. _No wonder she has an unusual ki. Her kenki is composed of large doses of determination, confidence, courage and innocence. Innocence. Such a rare necessity these days. _

He shivered slightly when the cold breeze bit his skin as he continued to stare at her. _What an amazing woman. Intelligent and brave but, will it be enough? _

Kenshin raised his fingers, hovering it across borders of her face, not wanting his calloused hands to touch her delicate face, _Hime-chan, do you know what you are getting yourself into? _

'You know, you don't always need to follow the dictates of society. You can make your own destiny.'

_You're right. As Nabeshima Naoshige said, "No matter whether a person belongs to the upper or lower ranks, if he has not put his life on the line at least once he has cause for shame."_

Looking at the hazy moon outside, he vowed, _ I may not be worthy protector but from this day forward, I pledge that I will do everything in my power to look after you… that's the least I could do after everything that had been given to me…_

_…even if it means that I have to keep this revelation to myself._

Despite the cold wind, Kenshin found himself relaxing as he stared at Kaoru's serene features.

~~~~~

The next morning, the sun was rising slowly from the eastern sky, the sky was clear and the birds were chirping merrily. It held no sign of the previous night's weeping.

Kenshin woke up with a huge smile on his face at the sight of his interesting new friend. _Another day… another chance to get to know her. _

Kenshin sighed gratefully when he saw that she wasn't laying in a compromising position. However, the cautious man that he was, he pulled tucked the blanket securely just under her shoulders, in case sat she sat up. Nudging her gently on the shoulders, he said, "Wake up sleepy-head!"

Kaoru moaned softly in protest as she slowly fluttered her eyes open. She squinted for a moment, adjusting her eyes to the sun's rays. Then, a cloud of crimson darkened her vision… in seconds, she found herself staring back at grinning purple eyes. She smiled at him, asking drowsily, "It's not yet 5:30, right?"

Kenshin shook his head in response.

"I thought so. You are not clanking your two metal umm… ano… what do you call that?" she inquired curiously as she pointed towards his empty hands.

Kenshin smiled inwardly when he noted that Kaoru forgot to deepened her voice, _Poor girl. Must be so tired because of our training last night. _Extending his hand to help her up, he replied, "Nope, it's just 5:00. I woke you up earlier so you can fix yourself before breakfast."

"Oh, alright." Kaoru waved her hand in front of her, signaling him that she could stand up on her own.

Kenshin nodded in understanding as he turned around pretending to look outside. _Her gi and bandages are probably loose by now. It would be very awkward for both of us if I face her._

Just as Kenshin thought, Kaoru immediately tightened the belt that held her upper garment as she replied, "Thank you. Thank you very much." As a sign of gratitude, Kaoru folded her futon and blanket. _Blanket? _"Kenshin, why is your blanket with me?"

"Oh, I gave it to you after I woke up," he lied.

Kaoru smiled in relief as she waved her hand, heading towards her room. As she walked out, she turned her head and said, "And ano—"

Kenshin nodded, smiling, "Yes, this will be our little secret."

Kaoru gave him a thumbs up as she ran towards her room_. _Waking up at the sight of a beautiful red-head was enough to keep her smiling all day_._

_Wait a minute! _She shook her head in protest. She frowned as she corrected herself, _Waking up after a hard training was enough to keep me invigorated all day._

~~~~~

Kaoru made sure that she hastened her routine. She didn't want to be reprimanded again this morning. As soon as she had finished changing her clothes, she went straight to the dinning hall. She wasn't the first to arrive there but at least she wasn't late. She sat on her seat at the back as she silently waited for their meal.

Meanwhile, one of the friendlier samurais approached her wide a wide smile on their faces. "Hello! You're the new student, right?"

"Yes," Kaoru smiled back, bowing her head. "I am Kamiya." She didn't want to extend her hand this time, recalling Kenshin's earlier assessment about it. 

"Nice to meet you. I am Sagara Sanosuke," he bowed back.

"So Kamiya, where are you from?" he asked.

"Hakone."

"You a son of a retainer?" Sanosuke asked as he chewed on a fishbone.

"Not really, how about you?" she replied. 

"Taicho sent me here for training," he answered proudly.

"To  protect the land?"

"Something like that."

Just then the door swung open revealing one dignified man, one carbon monoxide exhaust and one barrel of sake shaped as a man. "They're here," she whispered

"Nice meeting you, Kamiya-san," he bowed, mock saluting her as he went to his seat.

"You, too. Sagara-san. See you  later in training?"

"Sure."

Kaoru ate her food in silence just like the other trainees. She glanced up to observe each of them as usual but she kept it discreet. She didn't want to arouse any unwanted suspicions especially that she **was**, in fact, hiding something.

~~~~~

The morning routine followed as usual, the students took an hour jogging, practice archery and the use of other weapons, and study bushido and Buddhism.

Noon came and the students assembled at the dinning hall for lunch.

After eating, Kaoru stood up, knowing that its her turn to do the dishes. Piece by piece she gathered the used platters and chopsticks, bringing them inside the kitchen, placing them on top of the counter. When she had hauled the last batch of plates, she gasped upon seeing Himura in front of the sink. "Himura-san?"

"Kamiya-dono?" he asked raising his eyebrows as he continued to move the dishes from the counter to the sink.

Kaoru stood beside him, tilting her head to meet his eyes. "Have you eaten lunch?"

"No, I'll eat later," he replied, not even bothering to turn to her, as he started to soak the dishes.

Irritated at his brush off, Kaoru frowned as she shoved Kenshin to the side, completely taking over the sink as she grinned teasingly, "Let me help you with that."

Kenshin looked at her quizzically.

" It's my turn to do the dishes," she simply replied.

"Oh, alright."

Just then, Hiko peered his head on the door and called out, "Kamiya! Make sure you finish everything by 1:00. We have training."

"Yes, sir."

Hiko smirked upon seeing his _baka deshi _there before he left.

Kenshin left Kaoru to the sink but he continued to help her by placing the remaining dishes on the sink. She, in turn, smiled gratefully and asked, "So, what are you doing here? I mean, this is supposed the be my chore, right?"

"Well, it's my job, too," he shrugged.

"Okay, well since you insist on helping me doing my _favorite_ chore… you dry. I wash."

Kenshin smiled at her and mockingly bowed, "As you wish, my Lord."

Kaoru frowned at that, playfully smacking him on the head.

"Ororororo," came a sound as a swirly-eyed red-head fell on the floor.

"Himura!" Kaoru gasped. "Baka, I didn't hit you that hard!"

Kenshin stood up, rubbing his sore head as he squeaked, "Kamiya-dono, it seems that you don't know your strength."

"Stop humoring me," she glared.

"Maa, maa, I just wanted to make your favorite chore fun. Lighten up!" Kenshin pacified as he waved his hands in front of him.

"Sorry about that," she smiled sheepishly. "It's just that I am nervous about later. I don't know how high Hiko's expectations would be. I don't know what kind of treatment I am going to receive there. It isn't that I am scared. It's just that…"

_Hiko probably knows too and that is why she is scared that it might affect his judgment… that he might treat her differently because she is a woman, _Kenshin concluded. "You don't have to worry. I understand you completely," he reassured. "Hiko is a wise man and a good teacher. I am sure that he will give you the treatment you deserve. He is a fair man despite the differences of his learners."

Kaoru smiled, noticeably reassured at his words. Trying to change the topic, she asked, " So, is this what you do all day?"

"No, sometimes I am the one who stack dishes," he joked as he continued to dry the clean plates. Turning to her, he asked, "Have you done this before?"

"Of course…" 

"You sure?"

"…not," she finished lamely. Pulling up her sleeves, she smiled proudly, "But I am willing to do it. It is not that hard." Adding on a special touch, she added, "If a woman can do it, why can't I?"

Kenshin just smiled knowingly.

Trying to keep the conversation going, Kaoru glanced at him, "So, what do you do for the rest of the day aside from stealing other people's chores?"

Kenshin laughed heartily at that as he answered, "I sometimes help clean the dojo…" Pausing for a moment, he shrugged, "Well, I do work most of the time."

"Do you still train?" she asked, keeping her tone casual and uninterested.

"Of course, on a regular basis."

As she rinsed the last plate, she shook the suds from her hand as she announced to no one in particular. "There, all finished." Kaoru gazed at the stack of dishes she had washed.

Kenshin smiled at her child-like amusement as he bowed reverently. "Congratulations on your first batch of dishes."

"And I didn't even break one," she pointed out, laughing with him.

Kenshin nodded. _This girl is a special one. I had never laughed heartily in a long time. _

"Thank you very much, Himura-san," she bowed.

"You're welcome. You can call me, Kenshin."

"Alright, Kenshin," she nodded as she headed out of the door. It was almost 1:00.

Kaoru didn't offer him her real first name because… well, for obvious reasons. She didn't want to give him a fake name either just so they could confirm their friendship by being in a first-name basis.

_Lying won't be necessary_, she told herself. _Not telling isn't lying._

"Good luck, Kamiya-dono!" he called out to her retreating figure.

Kaoru turned back, smiling, "Tilt my wrist a little to the left to get the right angle. I'll keep that in mind. Ja!" She waved her hand as she walked away.

I just hope Shishou won't treat her as he treated me. I know that she wishes for equal training with men but…

Just then, images of a beaten up chibi-Kenshin flashed his mind.

'Teaching by example is the best way to learn.' 

            _'Ryu Tsui Sen!'_

Ororororo… 

**Author's Notes:**

Hiko did teach Kenshin Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu but he isn't teaching the whole student body that. You will know soon enough why. More waff to come, I promise!! ^_^ By the way… I hope all of you read the notes in bold because they are messages for everbody. ^_^

**Special Thanks to all those who left me a review! You inspire me to write more! My vacay is only until Monday so keep inspired this remaining week!!! More chaps to come!**

Angel, Someone, Aga_xris- I'll update soon enough! Just give me the inspiration, ne? ^__^

CD- hey there! Thanks! Actually, -dono is a honorific not only used for women but 

for men, as well. It is an old form of honorific with is so outdated that even Kenshin was outdated during the Meiji. Hope this clears things up! ^__^

Skipper- congrats!! Are you a part of the varsity?

Momori- don't worry. There won't be much cliffhangers in the next chapters. 

Shuro- gomen nasai! I had been so busy lately!

Bunny- thanks a lot! Now if only I could get yuki to inspire me to finish everything.

Chiki- don't worry. Everything will turn out okay.

Lizzie- Kenshin's past… great insight! Hehehehe… wait for it! It would give you one heck of a surprise!

Jack, JML- Hehehe… I just can't bear ruining the moment! ^__^ Hehehehe…

Anna, Marstanuki, Lady night- Any, Shizuka, Crystal, Adeoo- Here it is! ^_^

Aizel, Moonblossom, Chib-Nikoru , Kurara, Sora- hope this chap answers your question!

Nim- I see your point. Actually, those were one of my options during my pre-fic meditation stage. Heeheheh… Yup, I do that. I internalize the scene and imagine the things to come so that I have a clear picture of the fic. Unfortunately for me, I am having a hard time doing that for 'Crimson Skies'. Anyway, I want Kenshin to be attracted to Kaoru as a female and not a male. Just trust me on this, okay? ^_^ There will be conflicts in this fic but not towards that direction. I already did the betrayal and lies thing in 'Lie to Me'. Anywayz, I have a purpose for this. Please just trust me. Revelations would come soon enough. Moreover, I want this fic to be waffy, may it be light or heavy romance. The drama won't be on the "Kaoru pretending to be a male", it would be on the difference of their social classes. Hope this answers your question. I appreciate the suggestion though. Keep the feedback coming! ^__^

Sky Fire- alright! Actually, I already have this mapped in my brain… don't worry. Just be patient and wait for my muse to come for me to write it! ^__^

Vesca- thanks for that little dance. You know what? Weird… because this week I suddenly started to have an impulse to dance. Anybody wanna go disco? ^__^****

**Leave me a review!**

Back to the previous chap…

On to the next chap…

Back to Epics Index

Back to Indulgence


	6. Chapter Five

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**** The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue!!! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Five**

Kaoru ran towards the training ground where her classes were going to be held. They weren't going to have classes inside the dojo as usual. They were going to have it outdoors where students would be given much more free space to spar. Looking around for a familiar face, Kaoru approached the young swordsman she has met earlier. She greeted, "Hello there, Sanosuke."

"Yo!" he replied as he gave her a cocky grin. "So have you done this before?"

"Yes and no?"

"What do you mean?" he asked as he placed his ever present fishbone in his mouth.

"Yes, I have done this before. No not in this manner," she replied honestly. _Definitely not in this manner where my opponents doesn't know that I am a woman. This might prove to be interesting._

"Well, Hiko is going to be here any second." Lowering his voice, he continued, "You can know when is approaching, just held you held high and sniff. When your senses is violated with the reek of sake, he is here."

Kaoru grinned at that but she immediately feigned coughing as Hiko stared towards her direction.

He gallantly swooped his cape as he walked in front of the queued trainees. "Well, you already know the drill. Pair up."

Sano and Kaoru met eyes and nodded in understanding. She juxtaposed by him as she waited for further instructions.

"For the new trainees, I am going to reiterate the drill. Each partners will be given ten to fifteen minutes to spar against each other, after that, you will change partners. No resting! You will continue to do that, changing partners every time I make the signal. No one is going to spar with the same partners twice. Understood?"

Everybody nodded.

"All right then, take your positions."

Kaoru back down a couple of steps, giving her and Sano enough space to start the fight. She bowed down to him in respect as she unsheathed her katana.

Sano did the same as he grinned, "Jou— Erm… little boy, want me to go easy on you on your first time?"

Kaoru gave him a half-smile as she lunged at him. As their katanas clashed, she smirked, "Not a chance."

Their fight ensued with so much intensity. Kaoru had not sparred in a long time, giving her an ample amount of pent up passion. She fought with much focus and concentration that even left Sano panting.

Sanosuke Sagara, however, was known for his perseverance. He did not and would never give up to easily making their battle the most interesting one.

Trying to make an unpredictable move, he curved his katana lower, aiming for her knees. Kaoru, on the other hand, anticipated the move so she jumped up in the air, preparing to hit him on the shoulder. In a single flash, Sano withdrew his wakizashi with his free hand, connecting it with the incoming katana. He slashed the longer sword upwards, causing Kaoru to jump away from him.

They stood in their position, smiling at each other. Both satisfied with their heated spar.

Hiko Seijuro approached them with one hand rubbing his chin as he observed the two fighters. _She is very, very good with the sword. I should have known. Her form is also very good but… _"Lower your stance Kamiya to keep your balance," he yelled.

Sano gave out his battle yell and their spar had continued.

When their fifteen minutes are up, Hiko gave the signal for the trainees to change partners.

Kaoru decided to go to the well-built and able-looking man in her right. She needed the challenge and if she wants to beat Shishio Makoto, she should start sparring the high-end as soon as now.

However, Hiko Seijuro stopped her and pulled her to one side.

Kaoru looked up at him quizzically but didn't say a word.

"I see that you have a great form. Now, I want to test your endurance."

"Huh?" _What is he going to do? Make me run? We already did that…_

"Draw your katana," he simply ordered.

Kaoru did as she was told, holding out the katana in front of her, discreetly checking the angle of her wrist and her shoulders. When she did it in perfect form, she looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

With one swift move, Hiko unsheathed his katana, hitting Kaoru's causing it to fly across the field.

Kaoru gaped in shock at what he did. She never expected that the test of endurance that he said was about holding the katana.

Hiko gave her a huge frown. "You disappoint me, baka deshi! Go and retrieve your sword!"

Kaoru nodded, running as fast as she can as she mentally yelled at herself for not gripping her katana hard enough. 

Hiko looked down at her as he approached her, "You call that a grip?"

As she picked up the hilt of her soul, a realization dawned upon her. She looked at her instructor straight into his eyes and said, "With all do respect, Shishou. It wasn't that my grip was weak. You told me to draw out my sword, not prepare to fight. Because of that, my hand and wrist were still and stiff. When you hit it at the right angle, speed and position, it caused the katana to fly away."

"Impressive observation…" he raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms in front of him.

"Thank you, Shishou," she bowed down.

"…but it was the most idiotic excuse I had ever heard," he finished as he lunged the sword at her.

Without a millisecond to spare, Kaoru was able to counter it with her wakizashi in time before it slices her skin. "What do you mean?" she asked as she prepared a battle stance.

"A samurai…" he said as they began with their sword dance. "…must always be prepared…" 

Kaoru countered his attack as she flipped across him to slash his back. However, he jumped in unison with her, giving him enough space to dodge. Their spar started out slowly, gradually increasing it's speed and strength with every passing moment. "…A samurai must always be alert for battle… ready to defend and willing to attack…" 

Kaoru locked her eyes with his, deeply concentrating on their battle. 

Just then, Hiko kicked her on the back of her knees causing her to fall flat on her face. "… and samurai will not only assault his enemy using the sword."

She looked up with him, keeping her face impassive as she dusted her gi and hakama.

Hiko clapped his hands, motioning the trainees to change partners once more. Turning to Kaoru, he said, "That will be your lesson for the day, Kamiya-san."

Kaoru bowed at him reverently as she walked towards the man without a partner.

"Wait a minute, where are you going?" he called out to her retreating figure.

Kaoru turned around, tilting her head in question.

"Come with me."

Kaoru nodded, following the respected alcoholic close behind.

He led her to a secluded garden beside the cliff. 

Kaoru gaped at the beauty of the scenery. She was trailing her eyes at the beautiful horizon when Hiko said, "Give me 1000 strokes!"

"What!?" her jaw dropped.

"You need to have a good command of your katana. I can see that even if you are dexterous in wielding it, you are still burdened with its weight. You are here to train and I know that you don't have much time left, so do as I tell you." Looking at the horizon, he muttered, "Stop complaining, baka deshi and don't stop until sunset."

Kaoru nodded, her eyes full of determination. Not once did she complain nor mutter any curse. She just did as she was told with much patience as she kept in mind her ultimate goal… to defend her family's honor.

"I will leave you here to watch over the other students. I trust that you are honorable enough not to cheat yourself." Meeting her eyes for the last time, he left. __

Kenshin is right. Hiko Seijuro is a fair man. Not once did I felt as if I was a woman. I felt like one of them… a samurai in training. He does have a strange way of teaching but I trust that is it effective.

Kaoru furrowed her eyebrows, determined to finish her exercise until the sun was no longer visible in the horizon. But, no matter how resolute she was, she was still human. Swinging one's katana for hours, not to mention continuous sleepless nights would surely drain anyone. She was tired. Very tired.

But she won't give up.

Aside from her lack of energy, her hands were already throbbing with pain. She bit her lower lip, trying very hard to stay in focus as she closed her eyes.

Just when she was about to give in to her body's wails, a smile soothed her eyes.

"Just half an hour to go, Kamiya-dono," Kenshin greeted as he sat in front of her.

Kaoru smiled back as she continued with her strokes.

"Shishou, also made me do that for countless days when I was still a child."

"Really? Does it really hurt like hell?" she asked weakly.

"Yes at first. But after a while, you'll get used to it. When people are at war, fighting, I doubt that they ever put down their sword."

Kaoru nodded, chucking weakly, "I am not actually preparing to go to war, you know."

"Then why are you training?"

Kaoru looked at the sky, not meeting his eyes as she silently deliberated what to tell him. Sighing in resignation, she settled for the truth. "I am fighting to defend the honor of my family." There, simple yet true.

Kenshin decided not to press on the matter anymore. _Kamiya-dono will tell me when she trusts me enough._ Not wanting to bother Kaoru in her training anymore, he turned his back on her, facing the awesome view the cliff offered. He hummed a soft tune, subtly cheering Kaoru on her training. __

Surprisingly, Kaoru's aching body was relieved with his soft melody. She continued with her task as she listened to his silky voice.  

Kenshin watched the sunset, his mind deep in thought about a certain swordswoman behind him, _Hime-chan, I commend you for your resilient will-power. I know you can do it. You have done more than enough to prove it. Maybe you don't need my protection after all. You seem like a strong woman. I should go. _He slowly stood up from his seat, glancing at her for the last time,_ Maybe you don't need me at all._

As he was about to leave, Kaoru called him, "Kenshin?"

"Hmmm?

"Where are you going?" she asked, sitting down to rest for a while after the sun left.

"I don't want to interrupt the little time you have for rest," he replied, not turning around to face her as he started to walk away.

"But I need you…"

At that his tracks were frozen. He turned around looking at her quizzically.

"I need company," she replied looking deep in his eyes. "I need a friend."

Kenshin nodded, sitting down beside her.

Kaoru sighed heavily as she laid on her back, wanting to ease her muscles.

They just stayed there, silently waiting for the stars to come out. 

After a few minutes, Kaoru put down her hand on the ground to help her sit straight but a surge of pain bolted to her arms causing her to cry out.

Kenshin immediately shifted beside her, took her hand and inspected it carefully. It was swollen with bruises because of her long training. He ran his fingers gently across it, examining the cuts.

Kaoru winced in pain as she bit her lips to prevent herself from crying out again.

Kenshin motioned her to stand up as he led her towards the well. He hauled a pail of water as he took her hands once again. He looked into her eyes, waiting for any sign of approval.

Kaoru nodded, blushing slightly at the contact, nevertheless, trusting him completely.

Kenshin sank her hands on the cold water allowing the blood to wash off. "This should soothe the pain. Apply some medicine on it later and bandage it well so that it will heal in the morning."

Kaoru smiled slightly in relief as she whispered, "Thank you very much."

Kenshin smiled back at her and shrugged, "Hey, that is what friends are for, right?"

**Author's Notes:**

More waff to come, I promise!! ^_^ 

Arigato gozaimasu!! Thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter and my latest fic "Dreams on the Ceiling"! You really inspire me and cheer me up especially when I am down on the dumps like now. For those who haven't read that new fic… go check it out and leave me a review. My vacay is already finished and I am getting the adjustment blues again. Oh well, at least I had managed to finish giving my site a new look. Check it out and sign my guestbook, alright? By the way, I am have special features there such as free KenKao e-greeting cards and Kenkao reading list. ^__^

Sorry if I won't be able to write individual thank you notes… just know that I am deeply thankful. ^_^

Sorry if I won't be able to update my other fics as often as before because my prioriy now is Dreams on the Ceiling. I really need to get that therapy fic out of my system. Help me, ne? R&R… inspire me!


	7. Chapter Six

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**** The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue!!! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Six**

That night, just like the previous nights, Kaoru tossed and turned on her bed, having a really difficult time going to sleep. She didn't know if it was just insomnia but there was one thing she was sure of. 

She could never force herself to sleep. Well, its not like anyone else could do that, for that matter.

Sighing in resignation, Kaoru stood up, changed into a more opaque gi as she headed to a place where she could let time fly without driving herself crazy. The dojo.

She cautiously walked around, wary of anybody's presence. Finally, after much given care to cross the halls, she had arrived. She was about to knock on his door when she noticed that the door was half-open.

"Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!!!! Ryu Sou Sen!!!"

After hearing that loud battle cry, Kaoru peered inside, only to see a bare-chested Kenshin, breathing heavily as he waved around his katana with natural skill.

Kaoru watched, filled with awe as she clutched her chest. Her heart raced upon seeing his sweaty body glistening with the light of the torches as she continued to observe his every move, her mouth slightly open. For the second time since she arrived, she groaned inwardly, _Be still my foolish heart. _

Turning her back at him to contain herself, she gazed at the sky as her mind reasoned,_ You can't. You can't allow your heart beat as fast as that. You mustn't—_

"Kamiya-dono?" 

Kaoru jumped, feeling his hand on her shoulder. Glaring at him, she hissed, "You surely have the habit of scaring me!" 

Shrugging his shoulders, the half-dressed swordsman shrugged, giving her an innocent grin.

"How long have you known I was here?" she asked barely whispering.

"Since you arrived."

Kaoru mouth formed an 'O' as her eyes trailed down appreciatively down his well-chiseled torso and abdominal muscles. Going back to his face, she blushed slightly upon the realization that Kenshin caught her gawk at his masculinity. 

_Get a grip, Kaoru! He might think you are some perverted drooling homosexual!_

Trying to save face, she exclaimed, "You're really great! What do you call the style that you use?" 

"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu," he replied, slightly showing amusement at her obvious embarrassment.

"You learned that from Hiko?" 

"Yes, Shishou taught me that," he smiled as he unsheathed his katana.

"Wow! You are really good," she complimented sincerely. Rolling her eyes to one side, she twitched her lips, looking thoughtful, "I wonder why he didn't teach that style to the other students training here."

Stepping out to gaze at the sky with her, he replied matter-of-factly, "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu should have only one successor."

"Is that so?"

"Uh-hmmm.."

Deep inside, Kaoru was fuming. _Why is he so silent? Is he trying to brush me off? _ Trying to keep the conversation going, she asked, "Have you finished your training?"

"No, I haven't learned the succession technique yet."

"Why?"

"Shishou said that I wasn't ready."

"What does he mean? You seem to execute you moves perfectly," she protested with much conviction.

Kenshin turned to smile at her. Cautiously placing his hand on the middle of her chest, he replied, "It has something to do with one's kokoro."

"Oh." was the only thing that escaped her mouth as her body's temperature plummeted at the brief contact.

"So what are you doing here?" he asked politely.

"Oh that," her face fell. Well, she couldn't possibly tell him that she just wanted to kill time. That she couldn't sleep and she needed company. No, she couldn't say that because it wasn't manly. As she clenched her fists trying to come up with an excuse, an idea hit her. "Ano, you told me a while ago to apply some medicinal cream on my palm but it turned out that I don't have any. I was wondering if..."

Not giving her a chance to finish, he stood up and said, "Yes, I have some. Come in." He opened the door wider, beckoning her to enter.

Kaoru nodded in gratitude, stepped inside and sat in the middle of the room. She waited patiently for Kenshin to return as she stared at her bruised hand. _It doesn't seem to hurt too much whenever I think of you, father. Oh, I hope you are alright at home with Misao-chan. I miss you terribly._

"Does it still hurt?" Kenshin asked as he kneeled in front of her.

Kaoru shook her head in negation as she allowed Kenshin to take her hands into his. 

He plunged them in a pail of water, washing them clean. Then, he patted them with a clean cloth, taking away the moisture. When they had dried, he applied the medicinal cream on them with soft and gentle strokes.

Kaoru just stared at him while he did it, thinking about how his calloused and burdened hands managed to be so tender on hers.

"Bandages?" he looked up, meeting her eyes.

"Here."

While he was wrapping the bandage on her hands, he smiled, locking her eyes with his. _Funny, _he thought, with the light of the torches around them, he felt as if he was gazing at rare sapphires, naturally glowing in their own.

Drowning at his intense stare, Kaoru cleared her throat. "Eto... Did I disturb you?"

"Not at all," he answered, shaking his head slightly, letting go of her hand as soon as he finished. At that, Kenshin stood up, taking the supplies with him. 

When he had returned, Kaoru mustered up all her courage and asked, "Can I watch you train?"

Kenshin looked at her wide-eyed, surprised at what she said. He had never had anybody else watch him except for his Shishou. It would be a new experience to him, having a fellow swordsman, correction, swordswoman to watch him, but it wasn't unwelcome. He smiled at her direction, saying politely, "Well, I am almost finished."

"That's alright. Can I?" she pressed as she sat at the corner of the room to get out of his way.

"Sure," he nodded as he unsheathed his katana. He bowed to her, signaling the beginning of his kata.

Kaoru watched and observed every move that he made. Each lunge, each step, each swing was done with outmost precision that even the simplest moves seemed like an orchestrated dance. The kata was beautiful, almost enticing.

But not as magnificent as the one performing it.

After cooling down, Kenshin went inside again to change clothes. 

Kaoru, on the other hand, sat still on her position as she waited for him.

Kenshin came out, wearing a fresh yukata as he sat beside her, grinning, "You seem to space out a lot today."

As if she didn't hear his comment, Kaoru turned to him, her eyes filled with curiousity. "How did you know?"

"Know what?" came his reply as he raised both his eyebrows.

"That I was watching you earlier."

Kenshin smiled knowingly, taking a more comfortable position across her. "I sensed your ki."

"Ki?"

"Your spirit," he reiterated. "Each person has a different ki. It gives out the person's state of mind… peaceful, hostile"  Pausing for a moment, he inwardly smiled and continued, "... nervous."

Gulping a lump that formed on her throat, she decided to change tactics, "Can I sense it, too?"

"Well, it's hard at first." Looking at the focal point to organize his thoughts, he explained, "Ki is all around us. It is in the trees, nature… everyone! The thing that you would need to learn is how to distinguish one from the other."

Kaoru nodded in understanding. "Will you teach me how to make the distinction?"

"As you wish," he smiled. "Cross your legs and place your hand on each knee," he instructed.

"Like this?" Kaoru asked uncertainly, looking at her position to check if she did it right.

"Yes," he nodded. "Now close your eyes and relax."

Kaoru did as she was told, breathing deeply, trying to relax herself.

After a few minutes, Kenshin broke the silence and asked, "Can you feel something?"

"..."

"Kamiya-dono?" he asked, nearing his face into hers, observing every delicate detail.

"..."

"Kamiya-dono?" he repeated questioningly, poking her shoulder gently.

Kaoru's head immediately fell down on his chest, snapping her back to the real world. "Oomph!" Fluttering her eyes open, she yawned, "What?"

"You're sleepy," he chuckled, pulling her in an upright position. "I'll  just teach you some other time. You should go and rest. You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow." 

"You're right." Almost automatically, she stood up and walked back to her quarters like a zombie.

"Good night." Although he was quite sure his 'Kamiya-dono' did not hear that, he just felt that his evening wouldn't be complete if he hadn't said that. Sighing in contentment, he prepared his futon for the evening's rest.

As he was about to close his eyes, a figure covered the light. "Kamiya-dono?"

"I can't sleep. Do you mind if I bunk in again?" she asked, holding her futon, headrest and blanket.

It wasn't as if she gave Kenshin a choice.

Kenshin nodded, his insides churning. _Why am I feeling like this? We had slept in this room before… besides we are only sleeping and not together, might I add._

Knowing that Kaoru was really sleepy at that time, he helped her prepare her bedding. She smiled gratefully at him as they laid on their separate futons on the opposite corners of the room.

Moments later, Kaoru spoke, "Doesn't it bother you?"

"What?"

"The silence?"

Kenshin turned to face her back as he replied, "I'm used to it."

Turning also to face her roommate she shrugged, keeping the blanket to her shoulders, "I think I'll never be used to loneliness." At that, she closed her eyes.

"Thank you," Kenshin whispered.

"For what?"

"For keeping me company." Rolling his lazy eyes to meet hers, he continued, "For once, this abandoned dojo doesn't seem so… well… abandoned."

"You're welcome."

Just then, Kaoru stood up from her futon and kneeled beside him. She shook his shoulders lightly and called out, "Kenshin?"

"Oro?" he squeaked, uncomfortable and nervous at her nearness.

"From this day forward, lets keep each other company, okay? It sucks being alone, ne?" she smiled.

Even the stars would envy the brightness of her smile.

"Alright?" she repeated.

Kenshin nodded.

Just then, Kaoru intertwined her pinky with his causing the red-head to blink his eyes a couple of times in inquiry. "Promise?" 

"Promise."

"Good night Kenshin!" she smiled as she crawled towards her futon.

"Good night," _hime-chan._

Author's Notes:

I don't know much about ki so I just what little knowledge I have of it. I know that they never showed that Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu had katas, I just assumed that they had one. Even if it has really cool killer moves, I still believe it has a kata, all kenjutsu has.

===========

pursue your dreams... give in to your fantasies... follow your heart... fall in love. *~*INDULGE YOURSELF *~*

visit my site.. Indulgence: Rurouni Kenshin Fanfiction Site

www.geocities.com/chibi_angelica/kkindulgence.html


	8. Chapter Seven

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**** The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue!!! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

# Be Still My Heart

**Chapter Seven**

** **

Since that night, Kenshin and Kaoru found themselves a permanent roommate that would rid them both of the loneliness they never thought they felt until they had each other. It paved way to their beautiful and blossoming friendship.

Their nightly routine gradually developed as days went by. They would train together, have light or intense conversations and say good night before they went to sleep. 

Every night, it was the same, but none complained. They never grew tired of it. 

They never grew tired of each other.

~~~~~

As usual, the pale morning rays passed through the translucent door, beckoningour beautiful heroine to wake up. She turned to the other side, opened her blurry eyes and yawned, "Good morning, Kenshin."

"Good morning, Kamiya-dono," he smiled as he finished folding his beddings in one side.

While Kenshin's back was at her, Kaoru tightened the ties that held her gi as she started to fold her futon. Wearing a gi while sleeping was quite uncomfortable but sacrifices had to be made if she wanted to have a roommate. Putting on a thin and semi-sheer yukata would be…

… dangerous for them both.

Every morning, they helped each other clean up in silent coordination. Kaoru didn't mind the work at all. She even felt more comfortable and at home there at the abandoned dojo compared to her cold and uninviting quarters.

Meanwhile, as they were cleaning, Kenshin was subtly observing Kaoru's moves. He smiled inwardly at the thought that even if she was an aristocrat, she had managed to break all the rules by: 

pretending to be a male, 

being exemplary with the sword even as a woman,

being friendly and totally indiscriminate to a samurai who is of lower social class, 

sleeping with that samurai in one room, 

helping clean the samurai's room,__

making that same samurai fall—

Kenshin shook his head, not wanting to finish his last statement as he picked up the pan and sheathe. It was time for the wake-up call, he had no time for silly thoughts.

Kaoru eyed the two interesting objects in his hands, grinning mischievously. Approaching him with her hands on the back, she asked, "Can I?"

"Oh no. This is my job," he replied, scratching his forehead.

Kaoru pursed her lips and held out her hands towards the two. Kenshin obliged her by handing her the pan and sheathe.

With child-like fascination, she grinned and repeated with much glee, "Can I?"

Kenshin smiled, uncertainly without giving her a straight answer.

"Oh, please," she begged. "Just this once. I just want to know what it feels like." Kaoru tugged the edge of his sleeves as she gave him a cute pout.

Unable to resist, Kenshin sighed. "Alright."

"Yosh!" she exclaimed, jumping in the air. Kaoru almost threw her arms around him. Good thing her reflexes were fast enough to conceal for her almost _homosexual_ act.

Kenshin's insides churned upon the knowledge that it was he, who made this amazing woman exceptionally happy that morning.

It was a foreign feeling for him because he had never been that close enough to somebody to actually make them happy. The feeling was odd yet refreshing.

The feeling was delight. Pure and untainted delight.

The next thing Kenshin knew, Kaoru was already clanging the two objects with much enthusiasm that even the birds flew away from the trees.

"Kamiya-dono! Kamiya-dono!" he called out, running after her.

"What?" she turned back. "You never told me this was so much fun!"

"You are doing it all wrong."

"Huh?" she cringed her face in bafflement.

"It's supposed to be done this way." Taking the objects of noise from her, he tapped the sheathe into the pan. "Clang-clang! Clang-clang! Clang-clang!"

Kaoru rolled her eyes as she grabbed them from him. She feigned bowing as she grinned, "Sorry, Himura Kenshin, master of the pan, I didn't know this has a ritual rhythm. Pardon my ignorance."

Kenshin was about to say something when Kaoru ran off, beating the two in her own tempo. He just shrugged to himself, watching her in silent awe, _I wonder how, with all the problems she carries and with all the hard work she does, she still manages to see the beauty of each situation… to have fun. _

_ _

"Did you see the look on the wolf's face?" she grinned mischievously, running towards the red-head.

"I don't want to. Its too early for that," he whispered.

Kaoru chuckled, pulling him towards Saitoh's room, "Come on!" 

Kenshin allowed himself to be half-dragged, sweat forming on his forehead, _This is not good._

_ _

When they were steps away from Saitoh's door, he stepped out, a cigarette on one hand. He smirked, "Where do you two think you are going?"

Kenshin stopped while Kaoru's eyes widened, she coughed, "Ano… I just asked Himura-san where your quarters are so that I would be the first to greet you a pleasant morning."

Saitoh raised an eyebrow, puffing out his smoke, "Is that so?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed. Taking steps back with her companion, she added, "Now that we have said it, we are off. Don't want to be late for breakfast! Ja!" At that, they ran off.

Saitoh stared at their retreating figures, shaking his head, _Ahous._

Kenshin and Kaoru had separated ways after that, knowing that the bright new day was ahead of them.

~~~~~

Ever since that morning, Kaoru was searching for her other friend. His unusual rooster-like hair made him distinguishable miles away, but Kaoru couldn't seem to find him. _Maybe he is just sick, _she reassured herself.

She and Sanosuke had grown close since they met, not as close as she and Kenshin but they were still good friends. They accompanied each other during bushido classes and preferred to be sparring partners during training.

After lunch, all students went inside their classroom for their bushido instructions led by Saitoh Hajime. Kaoru stared at the empty seat beside her, waiting.

The student behind her placed his hand on her shoulder and whispered, "Sanosuke had left."

"What?" she asked, immediately turning around.

A carriage arrived last midnight to pick him up. It seemed so urgent that he wasn't even given a proper dismissal by the board.

"Oh."

"I heard that his Taicho sent for him."

Kaoru smiled in relief as she faced front, _He must be so excited getting his assignment. _Letting the wind carry her words, she whispered, "Ganbatte ne, Sagara Sanosuke."

Just then, their instructor arrived. As usual, he had a cigarette dangling on his mouth. Everybody sat erect, not wanting to be reprimanded by the wolf in front of them.

As Saitoh began his discussion, Kaoru's mind drifted to a certain, memorable time and place.

_It was about 9:00 in the morning. Free time for the students, so Kaoru Kamiya decided to embark on something utterly new to her. Laundry._

_ _

_With a big smile plastered on her face, she placed all her soiled clothes in a basin and headed towards one emptycorner of the grounds._

_ _

_"You doing laundry, too?" Kenshin looked up, his hands filled with suds._

_ _

_Kaoru rolled her eyes and held out the basin for him to see, "Yes, isn't it obvious?"_

_ _

_"Let me think…"_

_ _

_Shaking her head, Kaoru took her place beside him, pouring water on the basin and began scrubbing._

_ _

_"Oro?" Kenshin squeaked as he watched Kaoru battle with her clothes. Trying to salvage what decent clothes she had left, he grabbed the piece she was working on and said, "Stop! Stop that! Not like that!"_

_ _

_"What?" she glared._

_ _

_"Like this," he demonstrated. "Gently…"_

_ _

_"Like this?" she asked, mimicking his movements._

_ _

_"You learn fast my lord," Kenshin nodded as he stretched the one he had just washed to see if it was thoroughly cleaned. Blushing scarlet, he gasped in horror upon the realization that he was holding out Kaoru's underpants for everyone to see._

_ _

_Good thing Kaoru was too busy concentratingto notice what had just happened so Kenshin immediately slipped that certain article under her pile before she found out what he used for demonstration, or so he thought._

_ _

_Little did he know that Kaoru knew from the start. She just refrained herself from reacting because it would only cause much attention, which in that case, is rather synonymous to scandal._

_ _

_"I learned from the best samurai," she smiled, feigning innocence. _

_ _

_Kenshin smiled back at her and said, "You—_

_ _

"Kamiya!" came a growl loud enough to jolt her back to reality.

"Yes, sir?" she asked nervously, sweat forming on her forehead.

"You seem to be very attentive today. Tell me, what is the essence of the bushido?"

Kaoru looked down, searching her mind for the answer. "A samurai must be totally loyal to the feudal lord. He must also be willing to give his life in the defense of his lord, his lord's honor, including his own. He should be properly trained in martial arts, refined and has a good grasp of proper etiquette. This is important because it would govern his actions and behavior in all situations." Kaoru smiled in contentment when she had finished.****

** **

Saitoh smirked and continued, "Who is Imagawa Sadayo?"

_ _

"Born in 1325. Died in 1429. He was the one who said that _Without knowledge of Learning, one will ultimately have no military victories." _

_ _

"Do you agree with him?"

"Of course!" she replied with much conviction. "Knowledge is the foundation to everything. Without knowledge, one would not know of the proper handling of the sword, of formulating tactics—"

"Of listening to one's peers," he finished. "Kamiya, do not be cocky and listen to my class."

Seeing her fault, she bowed her head in apology as she tried to focus on her class.

Despite his public scolding, Saitoh inwardly smiled, _You have taught her well, Miharu._

_ _

_~~~~~_

_ _

When everyone had settled inside their room, Kaoru snuck out again, going to _her_ other room, bringing along with her scrolls of her poems.

Kenshin welcomed her with a smile on his face as he opened the door for her.

Kaoru smiled back at him as she settled herself beside one of the lamps. She unrolled the scrolls, motioning Kenshin to sit beside her.

"Have tried writing a poem in your free time?"

He shook his head in reply.

"Oh." Blushing faintly, she asked, "Would you like to read what I had written before? Tell me what you think, okay?"

Kenshin bowed down his head and shook it sadly.

"Why? Don't you like poetry?" she asked, a tinge of hurt could be traced in her voice.

"It's not that—" he replied, looking into her eyes in… shame?

Kaoru looked back, her lips pressed together in a slight frown.

"My brushstrokes are so…" he finished weakly as he downcast his eyes. "…Ano… you see… I never really spent too much time with it."

"Oh," Kaoru replied, stunned at what she heard. Then, she smiled, moving over to sit beside him. She titled his chin up and said, "Then, I'll teach you. It isn't too late to learn, you know."

Kenshin looked up, eyes filled with confusion, "Why are you doing this for me?"

"Because you are my best friend."

They remained silent after that as Kaoru prepared the blank sheet of paper, a brush and an ink. She wrote hiragana characters on the white paper while Kenshin watched her in deep thought, _I had spent all my life here, fighting for nothing… protecting nothing. Then, she came along and turned my world. What have I done to deserve such kindness? It bewilders me completely, but I am not complaining. _

_ _

_Unfortunately, I am not._

_ _

_Should I be?_

_ _

_She is heaven and I am… I am dirt._

_ _

_We are worlds apart but still—_

_ _

"Shall we start?" she smiled, handing me the brush.

_ _

_— I would do anything to see her smile._

_ _

He accepted the brush, gesturing her to start.

Kenshin was a fast learner because of his sharp memory and dexterous wrists and Kaoru, on the other hand, was a good teacher, assisting him all the way.

For the rest of the night until early dawn, Kaoru patiently taught Kenshin hiragana and…

…the beauty of falling in love.

**Author's Notes:**

GOMEN NASAI!!!!! Sorry… I had been too busy! Hope this extremely waffy chap made up for it!

Women could learn to write only hiragana, and thus were prevented from reading political and business transactions or great literary works, which were written in the more formal kanji.

Even if he was instructed with the sword skills, he lack the written knowledge because with all the time he consumed with housework and the craft… he didn't have anytime to practice those.

A woman is to obey her father as daughter, her husband as wife, and her son as aged mother."[2][1] A basic tenant of Buddhism is that salvation is not possible for women, and the Samurai believed that "...A woman should look upon her husband as if he were heaven itself."

Since I am really struggling with writing now… I am going to make sure that I am going to thank everyone who inspired me and helped me with my block…

THANKS TO ALL MY REVIEWERS:

JML- :chibi-angel bows down: sou desu, jml-sama! ^_~ Qi in Chinese is broader than the way I explained it but oh well… on to the fic! ^_^ thanks a lot! I'll try to include that when I edit in the end of the fic.

Hana Himura- hehehe… how are you, girl? I missed you!

Lizzie, Aku-chan- I'm glad you liked it.

Smilesforyou- oh! That's sooooo sweet! :melts in a puddle of goo:

Momori- thanks a lot! It means so much!

Hosi-ni-onegai- thanks for the infobut that isn't the only reason why I wrote it that way. By the time Kaoru admits her real name, there's going to be a turning point of their relationship. ^_^

Kyaa-kyaff- thanks a lot! You know what? I like you name… the way my tongue rolls as I say it… hehehe…

Vesca- not only that they will… :gasp:

Ro-chan- that's okay! ^_^ it's the thought that counts! Hehehe… 

Bunny-_sama_- I feel so flattered! ^__^ how's everything! Have you received my Christmas mail?

Michelle M.- me, too. But please take note that this is an A/U fic… this isn't a back to the Bakumatsu fic because this happened even before that. ^_^

Chiki- can't get enough of waff moments!!!

Gypsy-chan- how are you? have you received my mails? I had been trying to contact you but, I guess you're busy, too. I hope everything is okay with you… I miss yah!

Shunu no Miko, Melfina-Pan, Dernhelm- don't worry… I'll try to update sooner.

Chitchat- :evil grins: of course I know that! ^_~ hehehe… just wait and see…

Kaoru Himura- that's okay… I guess, we all are busy these days.

Nikki- actually mir and I had been pretty busy so I just try to edit it a little and just focus on the story itself. Sorry on that…

[drea13rk][2]- hehehe… don't worry I have plans for that. No spoilers for now! ^_~ trust me!

Nicky-chan- I love them that way!!! ^_^ no angst for K&K especially now.

[RyuichiFanGirl][3]- oh okay… better study first… ^_^

Luraia Soul- yup… I definitely prefer the original jap version. There are some dubbed lines which totally alter the essense of the dialogue. Ugh! Really frustrating. Thanks so much! Keep the reviews coming!

Bakaneko- hehehe… incense is not necessary, neko-chan. Just an honest and sincere review would do. ^_~

Skipper- Actually, I've tried two styles already. A little of taekwondo and a little of aikido a couple of years back.

Red Ninja, Kawaii sakura-chan- honto ni? :makes puppy dog eyes:

Claria- actually, I love that line, too. I often utter those in my head especially when a certain baka megane comes into my mind! ^_~

J. Liha, Rei2- sure! ^_^ I love this story too much to give up on it!

C'mon everyone… it's not too hard to make me happy… just press the review button!

   [1]: http://www2.gol.com/users/friedman/writings/#2
   [2]: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=262107
   [3]: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=153972



	9. Chapter Eight

Standard Disclaimers Apply:

Edited portion: for some odd reason. I changed the chap as soon as I learned of the problem but it won't change… I wonder why.

~~~~~

Everyday, the occupants of the school eat meals prepared by different people. Some were tasty, some were tasteless, others were downright offensive to the senses but none ever compared to what Kaoru Kamiya always prepared.

And that night, it was her turn to cook.

"That Kamiya is cooking again?"

"Unfortunately.  It's Wednesday today, right?"

"Oh, brother."

"Don't be too sad senpai, you have two choices. Both will surely benefit you."

"What is it?"

"One: you eat her food and prepare yourself for the kind of meal you would be eating during war."

His companion looked at him unbelievingly.

"… or maybe to get use to the torture. With practice, you'll be able to numb your tongue!"

"What is the other option?"

"Two: Don't eat and get used to the feeling of starvation."

He sweatdropped.

"Hey, think of it as training."

Just then, a dark cloud of smoke dispersed from the kitchen. Both of them stared at it in horror. 

"At least its black smoke this time," said one.

"What a consolation. It used to be—"

The conversation of the two trainees were cut short when they heard a low growl coming from one of their instructors, Saitoh Hajime. They immediately sat on their places and kept their mouth shut as they glanced at the wolf nervously. 

"Kamiya!!!" 

"Hai, Saitoh-san," Kaoru immediately ran to him as soon as she heard her name.

"Bring what you have cooked here," he ordered.

Kaoru nodded, returning to the kitchen to retrieve something that seemed more like a rotten corpse than raw fish. "Here it is," she handed out proudly.

"Eat it."

"What?" she asked looking at him in extreme bafflement.

"You heard me."

Hiko Seijuro, on the other hand, watched the woman in front of him curiously as she gobbled the concoction with unearthly pleasure.

"It tastes fine," she announced after taking a few bites.

Hiko and Saitoh looked at her in raw disgust causing her to narrow her eyes and raise her eyebrows. Smiling almost wickedly, she placed a bowl in front of them, motioning them to taste her cooking.

When both masters of the sword refused to even touch the bowl, Kaoru pronounced, "Masters, with all do respect, you had always told me that you never believed in discrimination."

"This is different," Hiko reasoned.

"How so?"

"This is not a human being," Saitoh replied matter-of-factly as he shoved the bowl away from him.

"Well, a human being did prepare it." she bowed her head slightly to show reverence, peering at them behind her bangs.

Seeing her point, Saitoh seethed. "Himura!!! Himura!!!" he called out.

"Hai?"

"This swordsman," he began, gesturing at Kaoru. "…should not return to his quarters until he is properly instructed how to cook."

"What!?" both Kaoru and Kenshin reacted in unison.

"Take him inside."

Kaoru looked at him questioningly, "That's—" 

With one glare from Saitoh, Kaoru slumped her shoulders, bit her lip and followed Kenshin.

"If he doesn't come up with a decent meal on Friday, you'll answer to me, baka deshi," Hiko interjected.

"Orororo," Kenshin muttered as he led Kaoru  inside the kitchen. Once there, Kenshin asked, "Kamiya-dono, are you alright?"

Kaoru nodded and smiled. "Don't worry." Suddenly, she fidgeted with her fingers, stammering, "Putting it bluntly… does my cooking really suck?"

"No," Kenshin replied, taking a bite of her cooking. "See?"

Kaoru laughed heartily at that, "Kenshin, you don't have to pretend for me. We're best friends, right? Just tell me the truth."

Kenshin smiled, "You need improvement. Lots."

"Then let's begin!" she beamed, pulling up her sleeves. "Kenshin, teach me the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu style of cooking. Who knows? Jin'eh might challenge my mocchi."

Kenshin chuckled at that as he gazed at her sparkling eyes beneath his bangs. _Looks like you are going to learn something new again, hime-chan._

Author's Notes:

Thanks so much for the corrections! ^_^;; I am so sorry. Okay so here's the deal. When the narrator is talking, Kaoru would be referred to as a she. Even in Kaoru and Kenshin's thoughts, she's a she. The only time that Kaoru is going to be referred to as a man is in dialogue. I'm SO SORRY for all the errors… hehehe… it goes to show how busy I am these days. ^__^;;

Thanks so much!!! More to come I promise!!!

Yes, Deadly Family Ties is coming to a close soon. ^_^

Read and review! 


	10. Chapter Nine

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**** The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue!!! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Nine**

"Is cooking really hard?" Kaoru asked as she hauled different sorts of vegetables in the counter.

"No, not really, it just takes practice."

"So," she began, skillfully mincing the garlic cloves. "Who taught you how to cook?"

"Actually, nobody did," he shrugged, bringing over the bucket of tofu and some kobe. "I just learned it on my own. Before Shishou accepted his job here, we used to live in the mountains and I was the one who cooked for him."

"So, it's all in the talent," she teased, giving him a furtive glance.

"No, not really. My cooking used to be really, really bad," he announced humbly, handing Kaoru a pot. "I guess in time, I learned how to do it right." 

"I wonder how long it would take me," the raven-haired girl thought aloud, unconsciously tapping the metal pot.

Kenshin smiled inwardly upon seeing her thoughtful face. He almost didn't want to disturb her but they must continue unless they want to finish at the break of dawn. He waved his hands in front her eyes to snap her out of her stupor.

Kaoru blinked a couple of times in response as she looked at him quizzically.

"Come here, I'll teach you how to cook rice." Kenshin motioned Kaoru to stand beside him as he began to show her the basics. "The ratio of good rice is always four cups of kome to five cups of water."

"Okay," Kaoru mentally noted, watching him closely.

He cleaned the kome by pouring water in it, stirring it slightly with his hand then draining it. "Repeat this for about three to four times."

Wanting to try for herself, she tapped his shoulders gently, gesturing him to move over.

Kenshin smiled at her initiative and stepped aside.

Sighing in nostalgia, she whispered sadly, "You know what? When my mother was alive, she used to cook for us."

"Isn't that the job of the helpers?" he asked, smiling weakly upon seeing her cheerless face.

"It is. But, she took great joy in preparing food for my father and I."

"That is so nice of her. She must be really special…"

"She is."

"...just like you," Kenshin muttered under his breath, biting his lips upon the realization that he had said it out loud.

Kaoru's eyes widened upon hearing his barely audible comment. The blue-eyed girl  lowered her head to hide her flushed face, placing the pot on top of the firewood after she finished draining it for the prescribed time.

Kaoru thought it best to just pretend that she didn't hear anything. When the pot was properly placed, she returned to the vegetables she  was cutting a while ago. Trying to disperse the air of tension that surrounded them, she asked, "So, what am I going to do with this again?"

"The easiest way to cook that is by boiling."

"So what am I going to do?"

"Easy, just pour some water on another pot, place the vegetables inside and let it simmer in low to medium heat."

"Sounds simple," Kaoru grinned, following Kenshin's instructions.

As they waited for the food to cook, Kenshin and Kaoru leaned on the counter, adjacent to each other. They stared outside the window, watching the night clouds go by. Finally breaking the silence, Kaoru asked, not meeting his eyes, "How long do you plan on staying here?"

"Huh?" came his reply.

"Here as in here in the school."

"I don't know," he shrugged.

"You mean, that thought never crossed your mind?" she turned to him, with an unbelieving expression on her face. 

"No," he replied. "Why?"

"Nothing," Kaoru shrugged, focusing her eyes to the evening sky once again.

After a few minutes, Kenshin sighed, "I guess the reason I have never thought about leaving is that I don't really have anywhere else to go."

"Don't you even plan on marrying someday?" Kaoru inquired, peering at him at the corner of her eyes as she mentally chanted, _Please say no. Please say no. Please say—_

"Actually, I had already thought about that."

"Oh..." Kaoru whispered, trying hard to keep her voice normal. _Kaoru no baka! You shouldn't be feeling this way. After all, you are **just** his best friend. Besides, you were the one who brought up the topic… what do you expect? That he'll tell you that he is in love with you? _

"But I can't love her," he suddenly said. "I can't take the risk because I know that she'll… that she'll never reciprocate my feelings," Kenshin faltered with unvoiced sadness as he lowered his head to hide his eyes.

"Why is that?"

"Because we are worlds apart…"

Kaoru frowned upon hearing that. She didn't know if it was because of her best friend's unrequited love or just the fact that he loves another. Pursing her lips together, she advised, "Maybe she doesn't deserve you if she makes you feel unworthy. You need someone who is—"

"No one else is more deserving than her," he protested, cutting her off.

Kaoru was taken aback at his conviction, silently cursing her heart for aching. _Dammit! Why am I feeling this way!!?_

"She is brave, intelligent, strong both in mind and body. It is I who doesn't deserve her. We are from different social classes," Kenshin finished, still not looking at the person beside him.

Not knowing that his words were directed to her, her heart refused to encourage his feelings for the _other. _But… she had to be true to herself. She had to be true to their friendship. Almost painfully, she said, "Class standing doesn't really matter anyway as long as—"

"Yes, I do love her," he burst out as he turned his head to look directly in her eyes. 

Forgetting her masculine façade, Kaoru's eyes widened, feeling as if she were melting as she stared back at his passion-filled eyes. 

"She is my light…"

Her heart beating rapidly at his intense gaze, but she didn't look away. Instead, she placed her hand on his shoulder, motioning his whole body to face her.

Kenshin followed, his body blocking the moon's rays as he caressed her partially opened lips. "…my smile…" Caressing her ebony locks, he leaned in and whispered to her ear, "…and most importantly my best—"

Kenshin's last word, along with the moment, was cut off when cigarette smoke filled their senses. They jumped a mile apart as they darted their eyes towards the door in anticipation.

"Saitoh-san," Kaoru greeted, inwardly scowling.

Both Kenshin and Kaoru bowed reverently upon his arrival.

"Kamiya, proceed to my office now," Saitoh ordered sternly, not even acknowledging her greeting as he gave both of them a piercing glare.

Kaoru had a gut feeling about why she was called but she decided that the best way to handle the situation was to feign innocence. Giving him a quizzical look, she asked, "Sir, how about the food?"

"Himura will take care of that," he barked as he turned to leave.

Kaoru gave Kenshin a worried glace which he answered with a confident nod. Taking a deep breath, she followed her teacher close behind.

"What is it that you want to speak to me about?" she asked upon entering his office.

Saitoh smirked at her straightforwardness. Puffing out a huge cloud of smoke, he asked, "What were you doing there?"

"I am learning how to cook just like you ordered," Kaoru replied, her face expressionless.

"Is that all?"

"Yes, sir. Is there anything else that I should be doing?"

Saitoh kept his face impassive though the thought of a woman answering his query with another question deeply pissed him off. Raising his eyebrow, he pronounced, "You and Himura are getting too close for comfort."

"It seems so," Kaoru responded, keeping her head high in confidence. "But Himura-san and I are just friends. I believe there is nothing wrong with that." The young lady looked at him with her challenging eyes, slightly narrowing them. "There isn't a law in Bushido that states that samurais are prohibited to associate."

"There isn't," he said through gritted teeth. "Just make sure it stays that way."

"It will." Bowing her head slightly, she stood up, motioning to leave. "Will you excuse me, I have return to my cooking lessons. I plan on preparing a decent meal on Friday."

"You may go."

When she had reached the door, she turned her head for the last time. "Thank you for the advice, but I don't need it, with all do respect, Sir," she declared, stressing the last words. With that, she pulled the door open.

"Kamiya?"

"Yes, sir?"

"You don't need to sneak into the abandoned dojo every night, its not such a big secret, you know. You are just wasting your energy."

Blood drained from Kaoru's face upon hearing that but she kept her composure. Looking at him at the corner of her eyes, she smirked, "Then I guess you know that there is nothing to be worried about."

"On the contrary..."

At that, Kaoru turned around to face him, letting her eyes do the talking.

"Let me warn you Kamiya that you were not accepted in this school as a woman but as a fighter."

"I know that." She bowed at him once again and smiled, "But whoever said that I came here as a woman." She let her smile widen as she turned to leave.

Saitoh huffed, "We'll see about that."

~~~~~

            Kaoru returned to the kitchen, her eyebrows furrowed in frustration. _How dare he imply that something is going on between Kenshin and I. There is absolutely nothing going on between us! Nothing! _

_            'You were accepted in this school not as a woman but as a fighter.'_

_Not as a woman._

_A fighter._

_Honored fighters do not feel._

Slumping her shoulders, Kaoru sat down on the hallway, leaned on a post and closed her eyes, recalling the incident earlier.

            '_She is my light, my smile and my best—'_

            Kaoru shook her head violently in irritation, pounding her fists with every syllable _I mustn't think this way. I mustn't act this way. I mustn't feel this way…_

            Her silent mantra was cut short when Kenshin placed his hand on top of her shoulders, beckoning her to come inside, "The food is cooked, let's taste what you have prepared."

            Kaoru smiled weakly, following him inside. She stared at his back sadly, reminding herself of her purpose. To train for war to protect her family's honor and nothing else. 

            Kenshin handed her a bowl, which contained the cooked food, and smiled, "You have greatly improved, Kamiya-dono."

            "All because of you, Kenshin." At that, she began eating her food in silence.

            Kenshin watched, noting the change in her demeanor. _Something must have happened to her at her meeting with Saitoh. Kuso! This is all my fault! I shouldn't have let my guard down a while ago. If only I hadn't— I should have never allowed my feelings to take over. Chikuso!!!_

            Unconsciously, Kenshin punched the floor with much force causing Kaoru to look up at him, eyes mixed with fear and confusion. She stammered, "Are you alright?"

Kenshin nodded, smiling half-heartedly, "Yes. Sorry for disturbing you."

            Kaoru didn't press the matter any more as she continued eating in silence. 

            Kenshin picked up his rice bowl, sighing as he chewed the dish, _I guess this is the only time I will be able to eat her cooking. Curse my stupid heart for even thinking that I could hold her as mine. _

_            'Class standing doesn't matter…'_

_            She is young. She doesn't know what she is talking about._

_But what if she is truly different from the others…_

_…No, that is the exact reason why I can't have her._

_I don't deserve her. Not like this._

Kenshin looked up, only to have his eyes met with bright blue pools. They held each other's gaze, allowing their eyes to speak of things their hearts refuses to accept and their lips refuses to say.

Author's Notes:

Minna-sama, thank you very, very much for nominating 'Be Still My Heart' in the RK awards!!!! ^__^ I hope you would continue to support this fic! ^__^ Anyway, it has been a while but the numerous responses I got for this fic overwhelmed me. Thank you so much!!! :bows down:

Notes:

**Relena Maxwell**- I'm sorry but there won't be any love triangles here. There would be in the sequel. Hehehe….

**ShimmerNymph**- slow romances appeal to me more. I don't like the idea of rushed love. ^__^

**Ryuokami**- yes, it is a unisex name but it is often given to a girl. My Japanese friend told me it means something like fragrant… [no wonder Kenshin can't get enough of her!

**Shiko**- oh the real romance will begin soon enough… I haven't even begun yet! ^_____^ Lemon? Why not! :evil grin: 

**Michiru Kashyuuno, Tatsumaki, Leigh, Chiki, Bunny, Vesca, Lizzie, Kriska, Yawarako, Aku-chan, Val, Skipper, Gypsy-chan, LittleDragon5, Lisa, Chitchat, penggu2000, Kelly-dono, JML, Just some nobody, Confused, J. Liha, Nikki, MP, genocide ex-sync*in- **thanks for correcting me in Chapter Eight. Sorry if I confused you all.

**Kaoru Himura-** thanks for the fanart again!! ^__^ Mwah!!!

**Marstanuki- **as always. Muchos gracias!****

**Hoshi ni onegai, Sakuma Ryuichi, Omochi, January, Kumo, Aniprinzess, Claria, Rekka's Angel, Sandy, Naomi, Isis, Sujakata, StillbornAngel, Anime Panda, C-Chan, Yume Kuroi, Shizuka, SoonChaos, child-of-the-owl, emsdesire, GundamGurl84,** **Redhead Samurai, KyrowenGoldenFire, Mary, Gwenivere,** **Dernhelm,** **Paranoid Novice, Rhodry,** **Esperanza**

**I am sorry if I won't be able to write individual thank you notes! It is because… I decided to give you all a gift instead…**

**On to the next chapter!!!**


	11. Chapter Ten

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Ten**

Back at the Aritomo Manor, two figures settled under the sakura tree after the days work. They leaned on its sturdy trunk, gazing at the stars. The blanket of silence surrounding them didn't bother them much because both were in deep contemplation.

When a series of clouds had gone by, the usually genki girl kept a blank face as she asked seriously, "Are you really Genzai-sensei's nephew?"

"What do you mean?" came a cold voice.

"You are a good liar, you know that?" she responded keeping her voice casual yet assured.

"I beg you pardon."

"I've seen you…" she began, still not looking at her companion's frigid eyes. "I've seen you observing things, investigating, spying. Tell me. Who are you really?" At that, she turned around to face him. "I deserve to know the truth, you know," she finished softly.

Aoshi kept his face stoic as he continued to stare at the sky.

Trying to keep her fleeting calmness, Misao took a deep breath. "I trusted you, let you in, gave you a room and fed you. I am not asking for anything in return just the truth."

"..."

Narrowing her eyes, she snapeped, "Answer me, dammit! I am not fooling around! I need to know what is happening!"

"You are right. I am not Genzai-sensei's nephew," he stated coolly as if it were no big secret.

"Who are you then?" she pressed.

Aoshi didn't know why but he wasn't surprised at all at her interrogation. In fact, he was expecting her to question him for days. Still not meeting her inquisitive gaze, he replied. "I am Shinomori Aoshi. I was sent here by one of Kaoru's masters to investigate."

"Why?"

"I am not in the position to tell you that."

"You don't know either, do you?" she huffed.

Aoshi glanced at her with cold eyes, looking at her for a brief moment.

Going straight to the point, Misao inquired, "So, what have you found out?"

"It's none of your concern."

"None of my concern?" she spat out, wide-eyed. She placed her hands on her hips, looking at him incredulously. "Do I need to remind you that I am one of the occupants of this estate, therefore, I. Am. Concerned."

Feeling terribly irritated, he snapped, "Shut up woman! You are just a peasant in this house! You don't have any right to be concerned!"

Misao's eyes widened at his harsh comment. Gathering the little dignity she had left, she rose from her position, motioning to leave. Before leaving, she muttered under her breath, "Better that than a dishonorable bastard like you."

"You think I care what you think of me? You don't even know me," he gritted through his teeth.

"Neither do you." With that, she walked away.

Aoshi stared at her retreating figure, inwardly smirking. He crossed his arms in stubbornness to his inner scolding but he gave in. He didn't know why, but for the short span of time he had stayed there, he felt a certain fondness of that young woman. A fondness he shouldn't get used to, not to mention accept. Suddenly, he jumped out of his seat. "Wait!" he called out, running after her.

"What!?" she turned around as soon as she felt his grip on her arm.

"About what I said earlier, that was completely out of the line. I..." he trailed off.

Misao raised her eyebrow, waiting for the young man to continue where he left off. "I…"

"…I'm sorry, okay!" he yelled. "Happy!!!" he growled. Aoshi did not like what she was doing to him. Not once, even in his wildest imagination did he think that he would ran after a woman and apologize to her. His insides were boiling but then…

…she smiled, "That's alright. I understand."

He did not like what was happening one bit.

"Most samurais like you are arrogant pigs," she grinned, giving him a teasing wink.

"Whoever said that I was a samurai?" he smirked.

Misao shrugged. In a split second, she took out one of her kunais, throwing them directly at him.

Aoshi caught each one of them in between his fingers, inches away from his face.

Misao gave him an I-told-you-so smile. "See?"

"I am not a samurai. I am an onmitsu," he stated matter-of-factly.

"A spy, eh. So tell me, what have you found out?"

Sighing in resignation, Aoshi explained, "Shishio had gathered himself a group of samurais. According to my investigation, he is planning to assemble ten of the most skillful samurais in Japan. His plans are not yet fully disclosed but I am sure of one thing. Aritomo's land is just the beginning. He is planning to take over the whole shogunate."

"Is he crazy? He'll never succeed!"

"He is pretty confident for a lunatic."

"Why? Why would he do that?"

"Don't you think that the power and wealth of being a shogun is enough motivation?"

"You're right," she nodded. Pausing for a moment, she twitched her mouth in thought. Just then, she burst out, "Wait a minute, he can't overthrow the shogunate by challenging each one of the daimyo…" Looking back at him, she asked in a soft voice, "…can he?'

"I don't think he is planning to do that."

When everything sank in, Misao clenched her fingers, snarling, "That dishonorable bastard! So that is why he is gathering men! To enforce the army he is building!"

Aoshi inwardly smiled at her deduction. "You are a very unusual woman, do you know that?"

"Should I take it as a compliment?" she asked, flipping her braid to one side.

"Take it as you will."

Misao motioned them to return to the house with Aoshi walking in front of her. Misao stared at his back, silently deliberating whether she should ask the question rattling her mind for days. Finally, she spoke up, "Don't you ever smile?"

"I have no reason to," he replied flatly.

"Maybe you should find one."

_Maybe I have_, he smiled, glancing at the special woman walking behind him using the corner of his eyes.

~~~~~

After a couple of days, Kenshin and Kaoru's relationship returned to normal. They had thought it best to put the kitchen incident behind them. Despite Saitoh's, and probably Hiko's, knowledge on the matter, Kaoru still continued to sleep inside Kenshin's quarters. She had to prove to them that there was nothing going on between her and her so-called best friend. And, she had to prove to herself that she was there not as a woman but as a training samurai in need of company.

Correction, she would have to prove to herself that, if only she hadn't proven to herself days ago that she was in love with him.

But she would never accept that fact.

At least her mind wouldn't.

Kenshin on the other hand, remained caring and considerate when it came to Kaoru. However, there was something about him that changed. Something that was driving Kaoru irritatingly insane because in the first place, she shouldn't have noticed and second, she mustn't let it get to her.

"Kenshin, are you alright?" she asked, sitting across him.

"Yes, Kamiya-dono. Why do you ask?" Kenshin looked back at her, placing the brush he was using moments ago aside.

"You seem… I don't know, distant, perhaps?" Shrugging to herself, she continued, "You had changed in the past couple of days."

"I don't know what you are talking about," he stated, giving her an innocent grin.

Not knowing what else to do, Kaoru stood up and sat beside Kenshin. Upon instinct, Kenshin shifted to the right, giving her some distance. When Kaoru saw that, she placed her hand on his shoulders and pouted, "See?"

"Oh."

"What's wrong?" she pleaded in utter frustration.

Kenshin looked away, searching his mind for the right words to say. Putting his hands on his lap, he began with his explanation, "I just realized that even if we are best friends, I should still respect and honor you. After all, you are still a daimyo's dau- son and I am still a samurai."

"Screw that!" Kaoru burst out, clenching her fists.  
  
  


"Oro?"

"Come on, Kenshin. You shouldn't think that way! Wealth doesn't matter to me!!" Lowering her head to hide her blush, she continued in a more subdued manner, "I mean, in terms of the sword, you are far better than me." Smiling inwardly, she turned the tables. "Would you like me to call you Himura-sama?"

"Huh?" He looked at her quizzically.

"We **are** in a samurai training ground and **you** are obviously superior than me in that aspect," she stated matter-of-factly, narrowing her eyes as a challenge for him to rebut.

Smiling sheepishly, he asked, "So what do you want me to do?"

"For starters, just call me err… Kamiya."

"Alright, Kamiya. And then?"

Kaoru's heart paced rapidly as she said, barely whispering, "Don't distance yourself from me, you are all I have in here…"

Kenshin's heart melted. _Please don't say that!_

"…Do you understand me?" she murmured, looking deep in his violet pools.

_I understand more than you'll ever know, hime-chan,_ he smiled at her as a sign of understanding as he tucked in a stray hair on her ears.

"Good." Looking down, she picked up the paper Kenshin was writing on earlier. "Now, let me see your kanji."

Kenshin watched, biting his lips, as his _professor_ scrutinized his work.

"Wow! You are really good at this now!" She smiled at him widely and exclaimed, "See, I told you! You can do it! I told you so! I am so proud of you." In her sudden outburst, she threw her arms around him.

Kenshin froze in shock but in seconds, he eased up and stroked her hair, "And it is all because of you." At that, he inhaled deeply, taking in her intoxicating scent.

When Kaoru felt both of their hearts beat rapidly, she pulled back, blushing at the end of her roots. She turned around and muttered, "Oops, sorry for that. My fault."

At that, Kenshin sighed sadly, _I knew it wouldn't last…_

After a long stretch of silence, Kenshin smiled, beckoning her to site beside him again. "I'll write your name for you."

Kaoru smiled back, feeling her heart's pace return to normal. "Okay."

"What is your whole name?" he asked as the dipped the brush on the ink.

"Kamiya."

"Come on, Kamiya. People from the upper class don't have a single name," he looked at her knowingly, waiting for her response.

Kaoru panicked. She didn't want to lie to him but she also didn't want her identity to be revealed. Especially now that their _man to man best friend bond_ had been sealed. Kaoru rolled her eyes to one side as she deliberated on what to say.

Meanwhile, Kenshin just watched her, waiting patiently.

Not knowing what else to do, she stammered, not turning to face him, "Kamiya Kaoru." She closed her eyes, praying silently that Kenshin wouldn't ask her about it.

With divine intervention, he didn't press on the matter. Instead, he just said in a soft voice, "Kaoru, beautiful name."

Kaoru blushed at that, slowly turning around to see his skillful hand write her name. She had never seen her name written so beautifully. Either it was his legible penmanship or simply the fact that it was Kenshin who had written it. She accepted the paper, bowing slightly. "Thank you very much! I will always keep it near."

Kenshin bowed back, "You are welcome."

Kaoru turned around, taking something from her side of the room. "Here I brought you a book. These are haikus and poems made by the famous Bansho. It is a good starting point for your reading."

Kenshin accepted, glancing at her expecting eyes. "What? Now?"

She nodded, "If you want."

"Alright."

Kenshin and Kaoru leaned on one wall, carrying a candle with them. Kaoru sat beside him, gently leaning her arm against his as she peered at the book. She looked up at him, motioning him to begin.

Kenshin smiled, opening the book on its first page. He leaned on her a little closer, wanting her nearer as he took a deep breath and began.

Kaoru listened intently to the poem he was reading. But then, she felt her heart froze as she heard the following lines…

**Even in my dreams  
I must no longer meet you.  
Each day more clearly   
my mirror offers  
a face I am ashamed to show. **

            At that, the brick wall she was hoping to establish in her heart shattered immediately.  

            How she wanted to tell him the truth that time.

**Author's Notes:**

**Thanks so much for reading! Don't forget to leave a review!! ^__^**

**Happy chibi-angel dance…**


	12. Chapter Eleven Slight Lime Warning

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**** The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue!!! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Eleven -- lime**

"Kamiya, come in."

Kaoru opened the door as soon as she heard his acknowledgement. She bowed to him in greeting. "Yes, sir?"

Hiko didn't even bother gesturing her to sit in front of him. He just handed her an envelop and ordered, "I want you to deliver this letter to Okubo-kyo. It is of outmost importance."

"Where shall I take it?" she inquired, accepting the letter.

"Kenshin will accompany you. I had already given him the instructions on how to go there. Make it fast," he stressed.

"Alright, sir," she nodded. Then, she looked up to him again and asked, "Is the carriage prepared?"

"You will not use the carriage. A single horse is much faster than that. I assume you know how to ride a horse."

"Of course," she replied in a humble manner.

"Good. Be on your way and make sure that you hand it to Okubo-kyo personally."

"Yes, sir. You can count on that." 

"Very well then. The horse is ready outside."

Kaoru bowed to him for the last time and headed out of the door. She placed the letter securely in her sleeve pocket, making sure that it wouldn't slip as she walked towards the grounds where the horse was waiting.

Then, her mouth dropped open.

There she saw Kenshin, sitting so gallantly on a white horse. His fiery-red hair danced in the wind as his amethyst eyes glistened with the sun's rays.

"Kenshin," she said, almost breathlessly.

"Kamiya," he smiled as he offered his hand to assist her.

Kaoru accepted his hand as she mounted behind him, their eyes locked in each others gaze.

"Are you ready?" asked he.

"Ready when you are," she nodded, placing her hands on the sides of his waist for support, yet keeping a safe distance.

"Then, let's go." He kicked the horse on the side and cried out, "Hiiyyyaaa!!!"

Kaoru stared at his back, her heart beating furiously at their nearness. _I shouldn't feel this way, _her mind protested, belying to her heart's actual desires.

_'But you can't deny the fact that you already do.'_

_This is wrong._

_'Then what is right?'_

_I should concentrate in protecting my family's honor._

_'You are still focused in doing that!' _

_But…___

_'Is that the real reason?'_

_I am afraid to love him…_

_'Why?'_

_Because he doesn't even know the real me.___

_'Then tell him.'_

Kaoru shook her head in frustration and snapped her eyes open. Trying hard not to think of the issue at hand, she wandered her eyes through the beautiful scenery. She feasted on the tranquility of the countryside as she took deep breaths to calm herself.

Little did Kaoru know that the man in front of her handling the horse was also engaged in the same mental debate.

_'You love her don't you?'_

_Yes, I do._

_'Then why don't you tell her?'_

_I can't._

_'Can't or won't'_

_I can't. In case you failed to notice, she is a—. It's not possible. Aristocrats and peasants do not fall in love._

_'But she just said—'_

"Where are we going anyway?" Kaoru asked, cutting off Kenshin's trail of thoughts.

"We are going to this man's house in Osaka."

"How long will it take us?"

"We'll probably get there some time after lunch," Kenshin replied, looking over his shoulder to meet her inquisitive gaze.

~~~~~

The journey towards Osaka was easy. They had delivered the letter in no time. It turned out that Okubo-kyo was one of the head daimyos in the area who was making a deal with Genzai-sensei regarding the trainees. 

The old daimyo handed Kaoru a letter in response to be delivered back, which she accepted respectfully. With that, they headed back. 

However, the trip back to the dojo didn't run as smoothly as expected.

"We have to take the alternate route in the woods," Kenshin announced as he pulled back the horse's reins, steering it away from the road.

"Why?"

"There is a roadblock ahead. It would only delay us more."

"Alright," came her trusting reply.

"Here we go! Hang on tight! This is going to be a rough ride!"

"You don't have to tell me twice," Kaoru chuckled as she tightened her hold on Kenshin's sides. 

"That's not enough, you still might fall off," the red-head ordered as he pulled her arms with his free hand, wrapping it around his waist. 

Suddenly, he felt Kaoru's soft curves pressed hard against his back causing thousands of bolts to coarse through his body. His heart paced rapidly with his blood shooting up to his head. All his dormant feelings seemed to awaken at that very moment. Trying very hard to concentrate on the path they were trotting, Kenshin took deep breaths to tame his blazing passion.

Kaoru, on the other hand, froze. She wanted Kenshin to find out about her identity but never did she imagine that it would happen that way. Blood drained from her face as she awaited Kenshin's interrogation.

But it never came.

She didn't know if she should sigh in relief or scream out in panic.

She was sure he noticed that but why didn't he say anything?

Did it mean that he knew all along, just didn't care, or he was just ultimately dense?

Kaoru couldn't find the answers to her questions no matter how much she searched her mind. Asking him about it was out of the question so she just bit her lip and gave in to the wonderful feeling of his warm back against her.

They continued their journey in silence. Both in deep thought.

The ride was rougher than usual, causing her to sometimes tighten her embrace on him. Each time that happened, Kenshin's body responded by stiffening for a moment but he still made no comment about it. 

After a few hours, they had gotten used to the feel of each other's bodies against each other. They no longer felt uneasy. Instead, both felt comfortable… as if their bodies were meant to be together. 

Also, by that time, Kaoru had decided against asking Kenshin about it. She thought that their silence meant their mutual understanding on the matter… that it is best left untouched. 

Night came and they were still in the middle of the forest. Finding the need to eat and rest, they stopped in a clearing.

"Its pretty late. We won't reach the dojo in time. I suggest we camp out for the night. Is that alright with you?" Kenshin asked, glancing at his companion for approval.

"Of course," Kaoru nodded. "Here?"

"Yes, this place is just perfect."

"Alright." Kaoru dismounted on the horse with practiced grace and said as she sauntered away, "I'll just gather wood for our fire."

"Kamiya-dono?" the world famous worry-wart called out.

Kaoru turned around, rolling her eyes, expecting to be held back.

"Don't forget your katana," he grinned handing her the sword.

            "Oh yeah, right," Kaoru muttered under her breath, blushing slightly at her fault. _Mou__! Of all the time I had to forget this! He must think that I am some stupid woman posing as a swordsman!_

"I'll just fish in the nearby lake," Kenshin yelled to her retreating figure as he went on his way.

"There is a lake?" came an all too familiar voice.

"Why?" Kenshin turned around, only to see Kaoru's child-like enthusiasm.

"Oh, nothing," she sighed when she realized that she couldn't wash herself in the crystal lake with him around.

~~~~~

Kenshin and Kaoru were not prepared for the camp out so they did not have any supplies with them. They just improvised with what they had, which was… each other's survival skills.

Kenshin was the one who cooked the fish he caught after Kaoru made the bonfire. It wasn't one of the coldest nights in Japan but the evening breeze was enough to make them both shiver. After eating, they huddled close under the tree as they stared at the dancing tongues of fire.

"Do you think that samurais are allowed to love?" Kaoru spoke up, breaking the silence.

"Why do you ask?"

"Nothing." Kaoru leaned back, deciding to gaze on the stars instead.

After a moment of thinking, Kenshin replied, "Love and benevolence are considered as supreme virtues for a samurai."

"Then, samurais are allowed to love?"

"I think nobody can stop a person from loving. It's a feeling that is just there… still and serene but at the same time passionate and turbulent. However, the samurai needs self-control and stoicism to be fully honored. He must show no sign of pain or joy," he responded, unmoving.

"Sort of like being emotionally dead, huh?" 

"Not really, he just have to keep everything inside. He must be calm and must always keep his composure. He mustn't allow any passion of any kind to disturb his balance. If he keeps himself true to that then, he is a true and complete warrior." At this point Kenshin closed his eyes, allowing the weight of his words to sink in.

Kaoru looked down with sad eyes, unable to speak or even react to what he just said.

"Samurais should also be sincere and honest. These men valued it as their lives." Kenshin opened his eyes, staring at Kaoru's forced blank face. 

"Bushi no ichi-gon, or 'the word of a samurai'," she whispered. Almost as if she were talking to herself, she continued, "It transcends a pact of complete faithfulness and trust. There was no need for a written pledge with these for these vows are indissoluble." 

"Yes, so you know about that," Kenshin smiled.

Unable to control the thoughts pounding her mind, she burst out, managing to keep a soft-spoken tone, "What if concealing the truth is necessary? What if it would lead to the greater good? What if…" Then, she trailed off.

"I don't know," Kenshin replied sadly, understanding the hidden meaning of her words. "I believe that it is true that some sacrifices are to be made for the greater good that you speak of. However, I also believe that having an honorable goal doesn't justify dishonorable means."

"Well, what if I don't even plan on becoming a samurai that I am just training to be one… that I am just honing my skills to protect my family's honor? Wouldn't that at least be credited? That I am not a tied to the samurai code because I am not one?" she said, looking at him with pleading eyes as she gripped her hakama in so much frustration.

"Is that why you are here, Kamiya-dono?" Finally, Kenshin turned his face, looking back at her.

"Please don't ask me that," she replied softly, casting down her head.

Kenshin tilted up her chin, searched her eyes and said, "It's just a _simple_ and _harmless_ question."

"Yes," she nodded, giving in.

"Then," he smiled, trailing his finger on her cheek, "you have nothing to be worried about."

Kaoru's lips slowly curved up at his reply as she boldly rested her head on his shoulders. She sighed in contentment as she closed her tired eyes, surrendering to sleep.

Kenshin smiled at her gesture, looking up at the sky. He still didn't know if she knew that he knew but it didn't matter to him. All that mattered was the present. That she was there with him and she trusted him.

A couple of hours later, Kenshin felt Kaoru's shivering form beside him. Not knowing what else to do, he carried her and laid her in a safe distance from the fire. Seeing that his effort was futile, Kenshin laid beside her and whispered, "I'm sorry for this, Kaoru-dono." With that, he spooned her against him, wrapping his arm on her waist, wanting to share with her the little warmth he had in him.

~~~~~

Kaoru woke up in the middle of the night, feeling an unexplainable warmth emanating from her position. She fluttered her eyes open, trying to make sense of what's happening around her. Then, she saw Kenshin's arms wrapped around her waist. "Kenshin?" she whispered.

When there was no reply coming from her companion, Kaoru sighed deeply. Her heart paced rapidly not only because of their position but because of such unexpressed happiness. She stared at his calloused hand lovingly, placing her hand on top of his, caressing it tenderly with her thumb. Then, she impulsively took his hand, raising it inside the folds of her gi. She slightly lifted her body for a moment as she cupped his left hand on her right breast. Her heart jumped at his touch as the only thing separating their contact was the thin sheet of bandage wrapped around her chest. She held his unsuspecting hand there as she closed her eyes, returning to sleep.

            Kaoru didn't know exactly why she did it. Maybe it was because she just wanted to confirm to him her identity, which she could not do when he was awake. Maybe it was because their silent mutual understanding, if there was any, wasn't enough. Maybe it was because she wanted him to touch her as a reminder to herself that she was still a woman. Maybe it was because she wanted to tell him that she loved him but she couldn't so she just allowed him to feel her heartbeat.

            Maybe it was all of the above.

But one thing is for sure, she never regretted doing that.

**Author's Notes:**

Wai! Wai!!!! The chapter is out!!!! This is one of my favorite chapters in this story!!! Thanks so much for the reviews!!!! Chibi-angel loves them! Please keep them coming because Chibi-angel is back, inspired and she's tied to the computer chair!!!

Chiki and Mars, I'll email you both soon. I still haven't paid my edsamail account. ^_^;; I can be contacted through the yahoo account though. Sorry if I won't be giving out individual thanks this chapter, I have to type, type, type!!!  
  


Chibi-angel is in sugar-high and I wouldn't mind being given more chocolates!!  
  


Chibi-angel sings… "Love is in the air…. Achoo! Love is in the air!! ~_~" Chibi-angel sneezes when a very waffy idea comes to mind! "Love is in the air!!!"

Pardon if Chibi-angel speaks in third person right now. No, she is not in love. Only inspired! Minna, thanks also for the reviews in Crimson Skies!

Review, minna!!!


	13. Chapter Twelve Slight Lime Warning

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**** The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue!!! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Twelve -- lime**

Kenshin opened his eyes as soon as he felt Kaoru's soft thumb caressing his hand. He wanted to whisper loving things to her at that moment but he knew he couldn't so he just stayed still as he stared at Kaoru's soft, ebony hair from behind.

            Just then, she lifted his hand to cup her breast. Kenshin's eyes widened, silently wanting to slap himself to confirm that he wasn't dreaming. But of course he didn't. Her thundering heartbeat against his palm was enough to tell him that what was happening was indeed reality.

He tried to control his shallow breathing by taking long and deep breaths. His heart pounded furiously against his chest as he felt warm sensations coursing through his body. If it wasn't for his extreme state of shock, Kaoru would have known he wasn't asleep as a piece of hardened flesh would inevitably press against her soft behind.

            Kenshin's mind was spinning. He couldn't even think straight. Half of him wanted to shy away from her tempting touch… a touch that would give him a taste of something he could never have.  While the other half of him wanted to ravish her that very moment, do something more than touch… to kiss… to explore… 

… to feel.

But he did neither. When he felt Kaoru's breathing and heart beat return to normal, he carefully took out his hand, settling it on her waist, not wanting to take further advantage of her.

Sleeping beside her and embracing her that moment was wrong enough.

But he never regretted anything.

~~~~~

            The next day, Kenshin made sure that by the time Kaoru woke up, he was no longer by her side. The only reason… the only **justifiable** reason why he laid beside her was to share his body heat with her to keep her warm. Since it was almost morning, there was no need for that so he stood up and tended the horse. He untied him to the tree, held it on his reins and motioned him to take a drink in the lake.

            Kaoru woke up, feeling herself in cloud nine as a bright smile adorned her face. She was expecting to wake up in Kenshin's arms. As soon as she turned to her side, her smile disappeared. _Where could that Kenshin be?_

            She stood up from her position, readjusted her bindings and tightened her belt. She noted that the horse was missing so she figured that Kenshin must have given him a drink. In the meantime, Kaoru sat under a tree as she patiently waited for them.

"Good morning, Kamiya-dono!" Kenshin greeted as he tied up the horse in a nearby tree.

_So, we're back to the dono_, she thought miserably."Good morning, Kenshin," she sighed.

Pretending not to notice her glumness, Kenshin gave her a wide grin and asked, "Are you hungry? Would you like me to catch some fish before we head home?"

"Alright," she smiled half-heartedly. "Hmm… wait a minute, let me think." She placed her finger on her temple for a moment and then inquired, "How many hours will it take for us to get there?"

"About two to three hours or so. Four hours maximum, but I doubt that it will take us that long," he shrugged, turning around towards the lake.

Kaoru immediately stood up, running to catch up with him. "Wait! Can I come and fish with you?" 

"Umm. Ugh. Sure," came his hesitant reply. It was never Kenshin's aim to shove her away but he thought it best to distance himself.

Kaoru followed him to the spot under the sakura tree, mimicking his ritual in fishing. After putting in the bait, she threw the makeshift fishing pole as he did. Kaoru leaned under the tree as they waited for the catch. Mustering up all her courage, she turned to face him and stammered, "Kenshin, ano… about last night…"

"Sorry. I'm so sorry about that Kamiya-dono," Kenshin began as he kneeled in front of her, bowing. "I just did what I could to protect us both from the cold."

"Don't be sorry, baka," she chuckled, swatting his arm playfully. She placed her hands on his shoulders, motioning him to sat straight. She whispered, "I just want to thank you, that's all."

"But still, Kamiya-dono…" he protested.

"Hush, Kenshin," she cut him off by placing her finger on his mouth as she looked directly in his eyes. What she saw hurt her.

Kenshin shied away as soon as their skins touched. At that very moment, he looked down, blatantly avoiding her gaze.

Kaoru felt confused, annoyed and at the same time hurt at the attitude he was showing her. "Kenshin?"

"Hmmm…"

"Nothing."

At that, Kenshin returned to his previous seat as he held the fishing pole, silently waiting for their breakfast.

Kaoru remained there, staring at him in utter disbelief, wondering what caused his apathy or disregard. 

Unlike the other times they stayed with each other in silence, this situation was different. There was a thick blanket of tension surrounding the two. 

Kenshin was mentally smacking himself for being so indecisive on the matter. He didn't know whether to tell Kaoru in her face that he knew, that he was awake last night, that he was slowly falling in love with her or just to ignore it and play dumb. He chose the latter, thinking that it was the easy way out. 

Similarly, Kaoru was not doing quite well herself. Her mounting frustration regarding Kenshin's indifference was turning into a deep and hazy fury. That was certainly not good at all especially now that Kaoru did not know whether she should blush at her earlier boldness, hug him for his sweetness or kick him for his stupidity and unbelievable density. Wanting to know the real deal, Kaoru took a deep breath and asked, "How much do you know me?"

Kenshin remained quiet as he continued to stare at the placid lake.

"Why won't you answer my question?" her voice rose.

"…"

Kaoru narrowed her eyes in irritation, gritted her teeth and yelled, "Nice talking to you! You could at least stop ignoring me and just tell me to my face that you don't want to talk to me!"

Kenshin stared at her retreating figure, asking himself if he made the right decision. Sighing deeply, he stood up from his position, shoulders slumped as he followed his loved one. With all honestly to himself, he knew that he wasn't ready to talk to her, so he wouldn't. 

But it didn't mean he wouldn't go after her.

When he had returned to the clearing they slept at, Kaoru was already riding the horse. She was holding the reins with skilled and confident hands, her back straight. 

Kenshin got the hidden message as he mounted the horse behind her. It seemed that their breakfast was postponed for later.

Glaring over her shoulder, she hissed, "If you **won't** hold me, you will fall off."

Kenshin sighed at her sudden coldness as he placed his hands gently on her delicate waist. _I'm really sorry, hime-chan…_

~~~~~

As soon as they had arrived, Kaoru jumped off and ran towards Hiko Seijuro's office. She knocked thrice, opened the door and bowed.

"What took you so long?" the arrogant swordsman barked.

Keeping her back bent, she began with her explanation, "There was a road block in the eastern track. We had to take an alternate route in the woods. Don't worry, we had delivered the letter yesterday noontime."

Hearing that, Hiko stood up and said, "As you were."

Kaoru nodded, standing straight. She took out an envelop in her sleeve pocket and smiled, "By the way, here is his response."

"Thank you."

"Glad to be of service."

"Kamiya?"

Kaoru regarded his call with a questioning look on her face.

"Jin'eh Udo had written you a formal challenge for tomorrow's training. Are you going to accept it?" he announced, handing her a folded piece of paper.

Kaoru opened it, swiftly scanning its contents. She looked up at her master, slightly tilting her head sideways. "Can I ask why he did that?"

"It is a practice among students to challenge each other either for training or leisure," he replied matter-of-factly.

"Training sounds good," she smiled. _Wonderful idea indeed.__ I get to train and vent out my anger at the same time. Feh! I didn't even made the initiative._ "Tell him that I accept."

"Very well," he nodded in approval. "Be prepared Kamiya. He is not an ordinary opponent."

"I'll try to keep that in mind."

~~~~~

It was raining hard that evening but Kaoru did not care. She had to train for her match tomorrow and there was no way that she would go inside the abandoned dojo to do that. Clad in her training gi and hakama, Kaoru headed towards the open field with her katana on one hand.

Kaoru took a deep breath, trying to relax herself despite the heavy outpour of rain. She placed her katana on one side and began. She executed fluid steps, attacking and defending against an invisible opponent. Her intensity increased as she felt a sudden rush of adrenaline when the chilly wind breezed through her dripping training suit.

Suddenly, she was stopped short when a figure approached her. "Kaoru, what are you doing?" came an almost reprimanding voice.

Kaoru momentarily glared at the direction where the voice came from as she continued with her practice.

"What are you doing?" Kenshin demanded, grabbing her arm.

Kaoru shot him a dangerous look and snapped, "Training, isn't it obvious."

"Come inside," he ordered in a low voice, pulling her with him.

"No!" came her defiant reply.

Narrowing his eyes, he said in a much firmer voice, "Come inside!"

"Why should I listen to you?"

"Because I am your best friend!"  
  
  


"Best friend? You don't even know me!" she spat.

Kenshin stared at her wide-eyed, shocked and hurt with what she said. Sighing audibly, he reasoned with a calmer voice, "It's raining."  
  
  


"I know that! I am not blind and numb like you are pretending to be," Kaoru burst out, jerking her arm of his grip as she ran away from him.

Kenshin went after her, turned her around and looked at her with sad eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Stop playing games, Kenshin. I am not in the mood."

"Please…" he pleaded as he slipped his hands from her arms to her hands.

"Get your hands off me," she sneered, glaring at his hands.

Despite her lethal glare, he tightened his hold on her hands, intertwining them with his.

"I mean it!" she yelled in contradiction to what her eyes and flushed cheeks revealed at that time.

It took Kenshin all the control he had not to kiss her partially opened lips… to ravish her mouth, take it in his own and show it the meaning love… to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. It took him that much effort not to do that then and there because despite Kaoru's protests and yells, he was able to penetrate her soul, seeing the longing she so carefully hid.

Seeing that Kenshin had no plans of letting go of her hand, she jerked it off and headed back to her previous spot in the open ground. With her wet hand, she wiped the fat drops of rain from her face and stammered, "I… I  need to train! Unlike you, I have a match to be worried about …among other things!"

"Why did you accept Jin'eh's challenge?" He followed her.

"Why shouldn't I?"

"It's too dangerous."

At that, Kaoru turned around to face him, sneering with much spite, "You think I can't handle it!?"

"I never said that!"

"You implied it!"

Willing to do anything just to get her inside to dry up, Kenshin sighed, "Alright, you win, I'm sorry. Happy? Now let's come inside!" At that, he took her hand once again and dragged her towards the dojo.

"No!" Smiling mischievously, she challenged, "Fight me!"  
  


"What?" he asked looking at her with much disbelief.

"You heard me, fight me! If you think I am not strong enough to handle Jin'eh then **train** me. Fight me," she explained, stressing on her last words.

"I will do no such thing," Kenshin huffed waving his hands on the air.

Narrowing her eyes, Kaoru raised her eyebrow and said icily, "Then leave me alone and let me train myself."

"Stop being so damn stubborn!" Kenshin yelled in exasperation.

Kaoru gasped. It was the first time she heard Kenshin curse and it was directed at her. But, instead of getting mad, she inwardly smiled knowing that she was able to stir strong emotions from him. 

"Want to fight. Fine! Let's fight!" he continued, placing his hand on the hilt of his katana.

Kaoru nodded, face becoming serious. She unsheathed her katana, silently waiting for Kenshin to make the first move. After minutes of sizing each other up, none made the first move. Just then, Kaoru lunged towards Kenshin, aiming at his shoulders. Kenshin dodged it instantly by doing a backflip, landing behind her. He announced, his voice soft, "It's over."

"What the?" Kaoru turned around to face him with a quizzical look. Just as their eyes met, Kaoru's gi slipped open and the bandages that wrapped her breasts fell on the muddy ground. 

Kaoru stood there, too stunned to move at the turn of events. "You knew?" she managed to choke out.

"I knew it since the first night you slept in the dojo," Kenshin replied, locking his eyes with hers to show her that he wasn't looking down. Slowly, he approached her, taking off his gi. He wrapped it on Kaoru's slightly shivering form to cover her. "Don't be too rash, Kaoru. I know you are strong but everyone has their limitations. Now, lets go inside and dry yourself. You don't want to be sick for tomorrow's match." He placed his arm on her shoulder, motioning her to walk back to the dojo.

Kenshin handed her a dry yukata as he turned around to let her change.

"You can turn around now," Kaoru blushed, looking down on the floor in embarrassment.

"Here," he said, handing her a bowl of hot misou soup. "Drink this. It will keep you warm."

"Thank you." Kaoru took small sips of the soup, her body still trembling because of the cold. 

Seeing this, Kenshin draped a blanket over her shoulders before he sat across her.

"I am sorry for keeping it from you," she apologized, her eyes downcast.

"Don't be." Kenshin tilted up her chin to search her eyes and smiled, "You are not obliged to tell me anything".

"But you are my best friend …right?" 

"Yes," he nodded in affirmation. "…Kaoru."

"Kenshin, say it again. Please." Kaoru smiled back.

"What?"

"My name. I want to hear it from you again."

"Kaoru." _my hime-chan…_

**Author's Notes:**

I'm sorry if I won't be able to write individual thank you notes for this chapter because I am so busy with school work and I still need to review for my taxation and special contracts class. All your reviews have motivated me and inspired me. Thanks so much!!

**A few words…**

Sakura- thanks for reviewing almost all my fics listed in my profile. It means a lot!

Dream warrior, vinmy fer- lemon? Hmm… I am thinking about it. It used to be such a no-no for me but I am seriously considering it now.

Chitchat- About the heart, for me, it doesn't really matter which side because if it beats so hard, you'll feel it. Anyway, thanks a lot about it! ^__^

Tsykiyama- Proj pic book? ::sparkling eyes: WAIIII!!!!

Gypsy-chan- great minds think alike! ^__~

Ditto- hehehe… actually, I define lime as something not so explicit as lemon. I don't think the distinction is between the sexes. In any case, thanks for that. I put up the warning so as not to surprise the youngsters and the ultra-conservatives who may be reading this fic. ^__^

A loud applause to Ms. Paula for sending me a beautiful web layout I will use as soon as my site reaches 50,000 hits! ^__^

**On me…******

Yayubi [my ego] is in love with a gorgeous Japanese guy who brought out the secret romantic in me. He shares my passion for stars, sunsets, nature and life. Like me, he is also a dreamer.

Within one week, he saved my jaded heart and captured it.

I had the most perfect evening last Tuesday when we went star gazing in front of a bell tower while sitting on an old fountain with water lilies floating around. Spotlights surrounded us, illuminating the bell tower. Sounds like a fairy tale? 

Well, I couldn't have written it better. 

Tomorrow, we'll go see the sunset at this beautiful bay. Will things work out? I don't know so please pray for me. He fills me and enriches my soul to the point that even if he didn't love me back, he still has the power to make me burst with happiness.

That is his effect on me. Nevertheless, I still want his love.

Real life **is** better than our imagination.

Keep on hoping. ^__^

I just want to share my happiness with the RK community because you had been with me through the "waffy" and "angsty" times. Expect another ultimately waffy love story from me soon.

In the meantime, leave me a review!! ^__^


	14. Chapter Thirteen & Chapter Fourteen Slig...

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

            Kaoru woke up in the middle of the night, shivering against the cold while her muscles ironically scorched in heat. Her head was spinning. Her eyelids were heavy. It hurt her to breathe. She opened her languid eyes, trying to make sense of what was happening. She lifted her palm to her forehead, jolting it off almost immediately, surprised at the intense heat it gave off.

            Even with a hazy vision and unstable footing, Kaoru struggled to stand up. _I can't let Kenshin see me like this…_

"Kaoru, where are you going?" Kenshin sat up upon hearing the shuffling noise she made.

"Back to my room," she breathed. It took Kaoru too much effort to say those four words because she barely had the energy to stand up and walk and now she had to answer to Kenshin's interrogation.

"Are you alright, you seem—"

Kaoru's eyes rolled in fatigue as she stood in her place, not wanting to show Kenshin her seemingly drunken strides. Turning her back at him she stammered, "Ano… I am going to do some woman stuff." To further discourage him to press on the matters she added "…pervert!"

"Oh, alright," Kenshin blushed furiously, hiding his face under the covers. Hiko Seijuro had once told him about woman's _time of the month _and how it affects their mood swings. He never had a first-hand experience on women regarding that matter so he didn't know what to expect. His senses bugged him that something was wrong with Kaoru but he decided not to intervene on her personal, no, hygienic business.

When Kaoru saw that Kenshin hid under his blanket, she strained to go back to her original quarters. She held on to posts and railings, trying to support herself. Her vision was already spinning and she felt her knees giving out but she kept going. Attempting to block out her physical challenge, her mind reasoned to cheer her on,  _I cannot go back to the dojo with Kenshin  in this in this condition. It would only prove that I am weak. I cannot allow that to happen. I must be strong. I must keep myself strong if I want to beat Shishio. I won't let anything stop me from doing that. I need to fight Jin'eh to test myself. _

Taking a deep breath, she pulled to shoji door open. _I won't give in to any weakness… _When she had entered the room, she fell on her knees. Mustering her remaining energy, she closed the door and crawled in the straightened futon she forgot to fold earlier that day. As sleep overcame her, she managed to finish her earlier thought in a barely audible whisper,"… but for now, I think I am going to lay down for a moment."__

~~~~~

The minute Kenshin woke up, he immediately turned to his side to glance at his roommate. _She's not here, _he mentally noted._ She must have fallen asleep in her room. She looked so tired when she left. _Kenshin smiled slightly as he envisioned Kaoru's innocent and peaceful sleeping face. He changed to his perennial work clothes and began with the morning routine. 

He was about to start with the morning alarm when he decided to wake Kaoru up first so that she wouldn't be late for breakfast. He tapped on her doorframe and called out, "Kaoru, Kaoru, wake up! Time for breakfast!"

"Oohh…" Kaoru moaned as a she felt an ice pick pierce her already throbbing head.

"Kaoru, are you alright?" came his worried question.

"Yup," she called out, forcing a cheerful voice as she clutched her head. "I'll be out in a minute. Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure you are fine?"

"Yes!" she yelled, breathing heavily at her exertion. Sighing audibly, she stood up and changed her clothes. She headed towards the dinning hall soon after, avoiding her best friend's concerned gaze.

~~~~~

The brief breakfast they had seemed to energize Kaoru. Well not really to the point that she was up and running but it was enough to keep her walking straight.

A couple of hours later, Hiko Seijuro assembled the students in the dojo. He cleared his throat and announced, "Attention everyone! Today we are going to have a match between Kamiya and Jin'eh Udo as challenged by the latter. The rules are simple. First, follow the code of the arts I had taught you. Next, you could also incorporate original or other techniques for the match. Finally, last man standing for  fifteen minutes will be the proclaimed victor. Are you ready?"

"Yes!" Jin'eh growled, smiling sinisterly.

Hiko turned to Kaoru, noting the way her eyes rolled as she placed her hand on her forehead. Keeping his face impassive, he asked flatly, "Kamiya, are you ready?"

"Yes," she whispered, not wanting to nod because it would only aggravate the pain she was feeling.

"Begin!"

Despite her drained stamina, Kaoru readied her hand on the hilt of her katana, positioning herself across Jin'eh, preparing to strike. She tried to focus on her fight but she was distracted by her aching head and by the river of sweat pouring out of her, aggravating her thermal imbalance. Her whole body felt trapped in furnace, churning her insides while even the faintest gush of wind bit her skin. Taking a deep breath to concentrate, Kaoru locked her eyes with her opponent. 

Jin'eh saw right through her weakness and lunged towards her.

As she was about to counter Jin'eh's attack, her vision clouded. Feeling her world spinning right before her eyes, she passed out. If it weren't for Hiko Seijuro's god-like reflexes, Kaoru would have become a pin cushion at Jin'eh's resolute attack.

Hiko's eyes widened upon catching her, feeling her hot skin against his. He immediately called out, "Himura! Himura!"

"Yes, Shishou?" He ran towards him, face full of worry at the sight of Kaoru's frail and unconscious body.

"Kamiya is sick, take care of her," he ordered.

Kenshin put on his unfeeling mask and nodded. With a swift yet careful move, he carried her into his arms, gasping softly when he felt her intense fever. He frowned deeply, _This is all my fault. I should have known that she already sick when she left last night._

Instead of going to the dojo, he headed towards her original room. He laid her gently on the futon, brushing away the stray hairs that curtained her ivory frame. "Silly girl," he said in an endearing way. "You should have listened to me last night." Sighing audibly, Kenshin stood up to retrieve a pail of water and some towels.

When he had returned, he locked the door before he kneeled down beside her to start working. He soaked one of towels in cold water, folded it and placed it on her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Kaoru," he whispered as he slowly undid the tie that held her gi. He undressed her cautiously, making sure that he doesn't touch or loosen the bandages that covered her chest. The next thing he did was to pull out her rough hakama, leaving only her shorts. 

He wrung out one of the towels that he soaked on icy water a while ago as he began to give her a sponge bath in an attempt to lower her temperature. He started wiping her neck with the wet towel, drying them afterwards with another one. Then, he trailed down from her arms to her legs. 

After that, Kenshin's heart raced as he stared at her bounded chest, silently deliberating whether or not he should include them in the improvised bath. A deep and nagging feeling told him that he needed to do that in order to lower her temperature but he knew it was improper. Sighing deeply, he gave in to his learning. He needed to do that for Kaoru's health.

Not wanting the fuss of unwrapping her bandages, he took out a knife and cut them with outmost care. He then shut his eyes just in time before the bandages broke loose, revealing nothing for the imagination. He patted towel on her chest, blushing furiously when he felt a soft curve pressing against his rough palm. His heart thundered a hundredfold against his chest as he trailed the towel across her chest. 

_This is not the time to be like this! Kaoru is sick! _He reprimanded himself. After finishing the task, he dried her moist skin. Finally, he placed a blanket on top of her to cover her nudity. 

He opened his guilt-filled eyes and whispered, "I'm very sorry for this, Kaoru but I had to do it." Kenshin tenderly caressed her soft cheek as tilted her head with his free hand. Then, he gave her a cup of medicine. He wiped the corners of her mouth with his hand as watched over her rhythmic breathing, happy to know that she would be fine with constant care.

~~~~~

Kaoru fluttered her eyes open feeling noticeably better. She turned her body to one side only to see a veil of red hair splattered on the floor. She gently moved the hair to one side, revealing the peaceful face of her best friend. Her lips curved up to a smile as she traced the bone structure of his face with a delicate finger.

Kenshin opened his eyes, violet meeting blue. He smiled, "Kaoru, you're awake."

Just then a realization dawned upon her, she furrowed her eyebrows and asked, "What happened?"

"You passed out during your match," he frowned.

"Oh."

"Kaoru," he began, sitting up. "You shouldn't have fought him in your condition. You shouldn't have forced yourself. You knew you were sick," he reprimanded.

"But…"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he cut her off.

Surprisingly, her eyes filled up with tears as she looked down with much shame.

"I'm sorry, hime-chan," Kenshin apologized, taking her hand into his. "I know you had a good reason for doing that but I don't know… I guess, I was just so worried about you. You should rest now."

Kaoru's smile returned as she squeezed his hand, "What did you call me?"

Kenshin's eyes widened at the realization. He stood up, turned around and stammered, "Ano… I think you should go back to sleep." He was about to walk away when he turned around, "No, wait, you should eat first. You haven't eaten in hours, you must be starving…" _Kuso! I can't believe I slipped!_

"I don't feel like eating," she whined, her eyes sparkling like an innocent child.

"Well, you should. No, buts!" Kenshin pouted, crossing his arms in one condition.

Kaoru nodded, gesturing him to kneel in front of her again. She grinned mischievously, "Alright, but in one condition…"

"Anything…"

"Tell me, what did you call me earlier?" she pressed.

"Kaoru?" Kenshin blushed, not meeting her eyes.

"Not that…" she sneered.

Giving in, Kenshin whispered, blushing even deeper, "Hime-chan." With that, he stepped out of the room. 

Good thing, Kenshin left immediately or else he would have seen that the flush tainting Kaoru's cheeks were the same shade as his.

~~~~~

Moments later, Kenshin returned, holding a tray of food. He placed it in front of her, motioning her to eat. 

Kaoru placed her palm down to support her as she sat up. Just then, the blanket that covered her bare chest fell, draining blood from both Kenshin and Kaoru's face. Kenshin turned around immediately, blood erupting in his face with enough power to cause him a nosebleed.

Kaoru held up the blanket to cover her once again. She waited until her heart beat and blush subsided before she gestured Kenshin to turn around once again.

Kenshin kneeled in front of her and bowed down, "Kaoru, I am so sorry but I had to give you a sponge bath earlier to regulate your fever." 

"You don't have to say sorry, Kenshin. I understand. Thank you."

"Huh?" he looked at her quizzically.

"I said thank you." Smiling slightly, she continued, "If you didn't do that, my fever might still be high. And… well…" she trailed off, blushing furiously.

"What?"

"If I had been awake to choose who I'd want to take care of me and bathe me, I'd choose you." 

Kenshin's eyes widened as a smile formed on his cheeks.

Trying to hide her persistent flush, she lowered her head as she reached for a bowl of food. She took a small bite and frowned, "It tastes bitter"

"Well you have to eat something if you want to regain your strength."

"Mou!" She placed down the food as she motioned to return to her laying position.  
  


Kenshin shook his head as he held up the bowl, took a slice of tuna and raised the chopsticks to her mouth "Come on, open wide."

Kaoru shook her head, looking at him incredulously, "No, thank you. I think I can feed myself."

Kenshin chuckled, not lowering his hand, "Alright but come on, Kaoru. Just this once."

"Alright. But, for the record, I had greatly protested."

"I'll make sure to tell everyone I know that," he grinned as he placed the tuna in her partially opened mouth.

After that, Kaoru smiled in appreciation as she took the bowl from him, eating the food herself. Her insides made back flips when Kenshin spoon fed her a while ago. 

She didn't know why but she felt better all of a sudden.

When she had finished eating, Kenshin put the bowls and the used chopsticks on the tray. "Go back to sleep."

"Kenshin?"

"Hmm?" 

Kaoru pulled his gi and whispered to his ears, "Thank you so much!"

Kenshin nodded, "You are welcome."

Just then, Kaoru pecked his cheeks and cowered under the blankets, covering her red face.

Kenshin unconsciously raised his hand on his cheek, rubbing it gently with a silly grin plastered on his face. Back to his former task, he carried the tray and headed out of the room. "Sweet dreams… hime-chan."

  
Chapter Fourteen [limey] 

It was July 17, the climax of the Gion Festival. Since the Gion Festival was one of the three biggest festivals in Japan, the occupants of the dojo were given a day-off to participate in the festivities. 

Early that morning, most of the occupants have enthusiastically left to go to the town plaza. Almost everyone was excited, except for two, who just lazily sat under a sakura tree while staring blankly into space.

"Kenshin," the coal-haired of the two began, breaking the silence, "Will you accompany me to the market?"

"Sure, Kaoru," he replied, looking at her at the corner of his eyes. "What are you planning to buy?"

"Well, you know," she stammered, looking away. "…Some stuff."

"Alright. Where do you want to go?"

"Remember the market we passed by in Osaka when we went there to deliver Hiko-sensei's letter?" Kaoru asked sheepishly.

"Yes…"

Giving him a cute smile, she said, "I was wondering if—"

"Do you want to go there?" Kenshin asked, not letting her finish her sentence.

Kaoru nodded, beaming gleefully as she clapped her hands like a child given the permission to eat mocchi.

Kenshin's lips curved up, his eyes shinning in happiness upon seeing the blissful look on his beloved's face. Nothing made him more contented than the thought of pleasing his hime-chan. He offered his hand to help her stand up as they headed towards the stable.

Surprisingly, Kaoru sat in front of Kenshin. At first, he thought that Kaoru wanted to take charge of the horse but then she handed him the reins, gesturing him to carry on the task. He nodded in understanding as he boldly wrapped his free hand on Kaoru's waist to support her. 

Kaoru's eyes widened at his touch, feeling her body tense. After a couple of seconds, she loosened up, leaning her trained back on his muscular chest. 

Kenshin closed his eyes, breathing in the wonderful fragrance of her hair as he held out his other hand to take hold of the reins.

Bracing herself, Kaoru wrapped her arms on top of his. 

The irresistible red-head responded by holding her delicate fingers resting on top of his hand. "Careful, you might fall," he whispered to her ear, gently tickling it with his warm breath.

Kaoru nodded, feeling her heartbeat double with each passing moment.

Seeing that his partner was ready, Kenshin kicked the horse on the side and they were off.

~~~~~

They continued their journey in that intimate position, both pretending that nothing was wrong with it. They were so tired arguing with their inner selves and for once they just wanted to enjoy each other's company without any barriers… without any worries or cares.

They wanted none of those.

For once, they wanted to give their heart a break.

After Kaoru's recovery, she and Kenshin had been closer than ever. They had grown fonder and more comfortable with each other especially that the truth about Kaoru had finally been out in the open. Since then, their guts had been fueled in giving each other subtle displays of affection. 

**But**… 

…both remained oblivious about the feelings of the other.

When they had arrived in their destination, Kenshin turned to gaze at Kaoru's sleeping face resting on his shoulder. He raised up his hand, caressing her cheek tenderly, "Wake up. We're here."

"Hmmm?" Kaoru smiled, fluttering her lazy eyes open. She took a deep breath, nodded and then dismounted the horse. "Come on, let's get started!" she exclaimed flashing him a dazzling smile.

Kenshin smiled back, getting off the horse to walk with her. "What are we going to do?"

"Shopping, of course!" she grinned.

~~~~~

Thunder pealed as a carriage stopped in front of the dojo. A dark haired man wearing a long trench coat stepped inside, his face austere.

"Shinomori," Hiko Seijuro greeted gravely.

"Tadaima." 

"So what have you found out?" Saitoh Hajime emerged from the shadows, a roll of nicotine in one hand.

"Where are your manners, Hajime? Let's invite him inside."

"Proceed to my office," Saitoh ordered, walking the opposite direction.

Aoshi nodded, following his two seniors close behind. 

They entered Saitoh's smoky office and sat across each other. Hiko repeated Saitoh's earlier question, "What have you found out?"

"Many interesting things. Where do you want me to start?"

"From the beginning ,of course," Saitoh smirked.

"Very well."

~~~~~

A couple of hours after the couple ate their lunch, the clouds darkened as thunder began to echo in the area. Just then, heavy rain poured.

"It's raining!" 

"Really?" she replied sarcastically as she faced him. "Kenshin, what are you doing!?" she demanded irritatingly upon seeing her best friend strip off his gi. "Are you cr..crazy?" she faltered, blushing furiously when his well-chiseled pectorals and abs came in sight. Kaoru turned around to hide her face, mentally smacking herself for her naughty trail of thought.

Kenshin, on the other hand, was nearly panic-stricken as the rain fell harder. He held out his gi on top of Kaoru in an attempt to keep her dry and yelled, "What are you waiting for!? Let's find some cover."

Kaoru followed Kenshin's lead, surprised at his fierce and commanding tone. 

Kenshin gave her a furtive glace, noticing her uneasiness. Upon realizing his fault, he stammered, "I… I just don't want you to become sick again."

They stumbled upon a cold and damp cave. It didn't help much in alleviating the cold but at least it would keep them dry.

Kenshin gathered a few dry pieces of wood, making a bonfire to increase the cave's temperature. 

Kaoru took Kenshin's wet gi, handing him a dry one they bought earlier. She hung it on a branch and asked, barely whispering, "Why are you doing this?"

"Do what?" he asked, staring at the fire he just made.

"This…" she repeated. "You didn't have to take off your gi for me. What if you catch cold?"

"That's fine with me as long as you are okay."

"That is not fair!" she exclaimed with much conviction. "I wouldn't want that to happen, you know that!!"

"I do. But, better me than you."

Kaoru frowned upon hearing that as she sat beside him. She motioned him to face her as she asked softly, searching his eyes, "You haven't answered my original question. Why are you doing this?"

Meeting her eyes, he simply replied, "I care for you."

"That's it?" Kaoru looked down, unable to hide her disappointment. She clutched  the material covering her knees, letting out a deep sigh.

Just then, Kenshin placed his hand on top of hers, smiling sadly, "I care for you a lot."

"Why?"

"Because you are my best friend."

"Is that all you want us to be?"

Kenshin paused for a moment, deliberating what his answer should be. He shut his eyes, not wanting to see his beloved Kaoru's reaction as he choked out, "Yes."

"Oh…" her face fell.

"Why?" he suddenly asked, returning his gaze on the dancing fire.

"I just want to know."

"How about you?"

"Huh?" she asked looking at him quizzically.

"What do you want us to be?" Kenshin turned to face her, looking deep in her midnight blue pools.

Kaoru closed her eyes, bowed her head and took deep breaths. _How should I tell him that I love him? _Mustering up all her courage, she opened her eyes, locking them with his. She cupped Kenshin's cheeks with her trembling hands, pulling him closer. Then, she pressed her lips on his lightly, keeping the kiss chaste, but not motioning to pull back.

Kenshin's eyes widened at the contact, his heart beginning to thunder on his chest. "Kaoru, I'm sorry but we can't," he whispered through their kiss.

Kaoru pulled back, eyed filled with hurt and unshed tears. "Why!?"

"Because I am just a— "

"…Because warriors are not allowed to feel?" she finished for him as she stood up, unable to control the burning sensation piercing her heart.

"Yes."

"Tell me Kenshin, what are your feelings towards me!?" she demanded, looking down at him.

"…I…"

"Answer me dammit!!" she exploded.

"I love you!!" He stood up, reaching for her hands. "I had always loved you."

"I love you, too," Kaoru replied, raising her arms for an embrace.

Kenshin reflexively took a step back, held out his hands in front of him and said, "…We mustn't, Kaoru." 

At that, Kaoru shook her head violently as she placed her hands on her ears to cover them. "Shut up, Kenshin!" she yelled, glaring at him with glassy eyes. 

Kenshin stood there, frozen at her sudden outburst.

Unable to bite back the tears, she closed her eyes, taking steps back to distance herself from him. "I am so sick and tired of all these worries! I love you!! No rule, no code, no anything can change that. Believe me, I tried! Do you know how many times I had to fight myself—" Just then, Kaoru's eyes snapped open.

Kenshin had her pinned to the cave wall as he ravished her mouth, giving her a taste of what a real kiss should be about. He parted his mouth, inviting hers to do the same. When she had responded, Kenshin thrust his tongue inside her mouth causing her to gasp deeply.

Kaoru wrapped one arm on his back while placed the other at the back of his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Her breathing became shallow, her heart doubled a hundredfold as she felt her knees weaken. The heaving of her chest was stopped only by his hard chest on hers as she moaned softly when his tongue met hers.

Kenshin smiled at the sensation it brought him as he increased the intensity.

Just then, Kaoru pulled back, panting, eyes partially closed.

Understanding her need to breathe, Kenshin trailed open mouth kisses on her neck, wanting to taste more of her. He smiled slightly at her sweetness as he started sucking on her pulse point.

Kaoru moaned at the unfamiliar pleasure it brought her as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, closing her eyes, allowing Kenshin to do anything that he pleased. Then, she straddled herself on his waist, wanting him nearer. Almost unconsciously, she reached for Kenshin's hand, using it to squeeze her bounded breast as she leaned her neck to give him better access.

Kenshin broke off the kiss, looked up at her with passion-filled eyes and asked, encircling her nipple with his thumb, "Are you sure about this?"

Kaoru gasped, arching her back as she replied breathlessly, "I had never been more certain about anything else my entire life. I love you."

"I love you, too, hime-chan and…" Eyes filled with much pent up need and desire, he whispered, stroking her soft cheeks with his free hand, "… I want you."

"I'm yours," Kaoru panted as she claimed his lips once more.

**  
**

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry for the late update! I hope these two chapters make up for it. Heartbreak does a lot of things to a jaded heart.

**Leave me a review! ^_^**

I'll write individual thank you notes next time! 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.** **The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Fifteen**

Warm rays of sunshine seared through the translucent mosses covering the entrance of the cave as birds sang a merry hymn in a nearby tree, signaling the passing of the storm.

Slowly, Kenshin opened his amethyst eyes only to see an angel. He raised a finger to her smooth cheek, caressing it tenderly, wanting to make sure that she was real … that what happened earlier was real and not a cruel dream. He rested his head on his left hand to watch and admire the love of his life.

Kaoru laid on her back beside him so beautifully innocent with her serene face resting on her folded arms. Her eyes were partially covered by thin wisps of bangs; her mouth was slightly curved up in a smile, indicating her blissful sleep; her midnight hair was sprawled on her back, covering her smooth alabaster skin. As Kaoru's eyes fluttered open, Kenshin cupped her cheek, smiled at her fondly and whispered, "Hime-chan… wake up."

"Hmmm?" she groaned in protest, closing her eyes, turning her back against him.

Kenshin spooned against his lover as he twirled small circles on her navel with his right hand. "I think we should get going before the sun sets," he whispered hoarsely to her ear.

Ignoring his gestures, Kaoru shifted closer, rubbing her body against his for warmth, unknowingly eliciting hot sensations from Kenshin's body.

Kenshin smirked as he felt his arousal hardening. Pulling her body close, he slipped his adroit fingers between her thighs as he sucked the hollow of her neck.

Kaoru gasped, arching her back almost wantonly against him.

"Now, you are awake!" he chuckled, turning her around to face him.

"Kenshin no baka!" she pouted as she claimed his lips for a sweet yet savage kiss.

Mustering up all his self-control, Kenshin pulled back and said, "Come on, our clothes must be dry by now. We must leave before the sun sets."

"Are you sure?" she smiled seductively, tilting her head to offer him her neck, trailing her fingers in between her breasts.

At that instant, Kenshin retaliated. He jumped at her, ravaging her mouth as he hovered his hand above her skin, close enough to tickle her senses, teasing her, leaving her wanting for more.

"Please, Kenshin," she pleaded, her eyes-half closed in hunger as she moved her hand down to the center of his desire.

Kenshin gave in to her wishes until they were both satiated.

Panting in exertion, Kenshin laid on top of Kaoru, molding his body on her own as he closed his eyes for a short rest. He rested his head on top of her right breast, loving the feel of her rapid heartbeat as he watched his hand fondle with the other.

Kaoru wrapped her arms around him, lovingly stroking his hair. She gave her a blissful smile and kissed his forehead, "You are right. We better head back home."

Kenshin nodded and at that, the couple had prepared to leave. They put on the gi and hakama they had hastily discarded earlier and mounted the horse. Kaoru sat in front, taking hold of the reins while Kenshin wrapped his arms around her for support. He rested his chin on her shoulder as he crawled his hand inside her gi. He stroked her bound ribs and stomach lovingly while he pressed a soft kiss on her shoulder.

Kaoru smiled in contentment, kicking the horse on the side to increase their pace. The sun was already down and they had to be back in time before they close the dojo gates. Glancing behind her, she called out, "Kenshin?"

"Yes, beloved."

Kaoru cleared her throat and began, "Have I ever told you the exact reason why I enrolled in the school?"

"Not completely," he replied. "The only thing you said was it had something to do with your father's honor."

"Yes, that is right," she nodded. "But there is more to it than just that."

"What?"

"Our land is being usurped by our retainer."

"Low overcoming the high…" he unconsciously voiced out his thoughts.

Kaoru nodded sadly, "Our retainer, Shishio Makoto, had challenged my father for a duel. Since my father had been crippled from his battle, I am afraid he won't be able to fight him in his fullest capabilities that is why I took his place."

"You are too brave, my love. I know you mean well but wouldn't it all be in vain if it costs you your life?" he whispered to her ear, hugging her tighter.

"I know," she sighed. "That is why I am working hard day and night, training and preparing myself. This is a fight I can't afford to lose. I always keep a confident façade but I still know my weaknesses. I don't know if I am ready."

"I am willing to help you anytime, Kaoru."

"You had been a great help already," she said, caressing his cheek. "Our evening training sessions had helped me improve vastly." Kaoru paused for a moment and sighed, looking at a distance, "Kenshin, with all honesty, do you think that my skill is enough?"

"Your skill is enough, Kaoru but you must continue your training," he advised.

Kaoru nodded in agreement.

"Kaoru, you must remember this at all times …the result of a battle is not only determined by a fighter's skill but also with his kokoro."

At that, Kaoru smiled, "In terms, of kokoro, I don't have anything to worry about. I have you. I have a reason to live." Kaoru turned her head to her side, capturing his lips for a kiss. She pulled back shortly, focusing on the path they were trotting. She leaned her back on Kenshin's chest, sighing contentedly.

She had never felt more at ease and complete her whole life. She was well-provided as a child but none compared to the protection and love she felt for her best friend turned lover. Deep inside, she knew that there are many obstacles on the way of their love but she didn't want to face that problem just yet, she had to resolve her family crisis first but whatever happens, she was certain of one thing…

…she and Kenshin would live a happy life together…

…no matter how many rules of society she had to break.

Kenshin breathed in her scent as he allowed a lone tear to fall. Despite all that he and Kaoru had been through, he knew that they cannot be together. He was just a samurai and she… she was a princess. Heaven meets dirt. Kenshin sighed audibly as he felt his heart sinking.

Did he deserve her?

Well, he knew that his sincere love and pure intentions did but a strong and immovable barrier was separating them.

Their class standing.

Could he do something about it? At that thought, Kenshin's face lit up. He **could** do something about it and he **would.** He was willing to do anything for her. He would fight for their love. For her…

…but what could he do?

A few hours later, they had arrived. Most occupants, students and teachers alike, haven't returned from the festival, making the silence surrounding the area almost deafening.

Kenshin got off first, offering his hand to Kaoru to assist her. Although she knew she could do it on her own, she accepted Kenshin's hand out of courtesy. She smiled at him as lifted her other leg, bringing them together. She jumped down, expecting a graceful landing however, a loose rope wrapped around her leg causing her to fall on Kenshin's chest while her feet dangled on the side of the horse.

"Caught you," he whispered to her ears.

Kaoru blushed, smiling at him and said, "You always do."

Kenshin helped Kaoru remove the rope and together, they returned their horse back to the stable. After they had given Lightning his food, Kenshin turned to Kaoru and smiled, "Let's go back to the dojo?"

"Sure."

The headed back to the dojo side by side, fighting the urge to hold each other's hands. Although nobody was around, they couldn't take their chances.

As soon as they got inside, Kenshin and Kaoru dropped the things they bought in Osaka. "Kenshin, I am just going to take a bath," Kaoru said, giving him a meaningful and seductive smile. She then mouthed, "Want to join me?"

Kenshin smirked causing Kaoru to double in laughter. He shook his head and reminded, "Don't forget to double check your locks."

"I know," she turned around, waving her hand. "Don't worry. Be back soon."

Beunknowst to the couple, a pair of menacing eyes were watching them from a distance. _Himura Kenshin, you will accept my challenge or your little beloved here will suffer the consequences._ He let out a sinister laugh as he walked away.

Kaoru went to her room first to gather her personal toiletries and towel. As she was about to leave, she leaned on the doorframe, closing her eyes as she recalled the coupling she and Kenshin did that rainy afternoon. She raised her hand to her heated cheeks, recalling the way Kenshin had touched her that exact same way that night. Letting out an audible sigh, Kaoru went on her way.

Her mind pre-occupied, Kaoru sauntered inside the bathroom with a silly grin plastered on her face. She dropped her necessities on one side as she untied her gi, preparing herself a long and relaxing bath. She slowly undress herself, untying her hair, letting it flow behind her. She was too tired to heat the water so she decided that a cold bath would suffice. She raised her foot inside the tub to check the temperature of the water. Feeling that it wasn't too cold, she gracefully lowered herself, bundling her hair together with her hand.

Kaoru closed her eyes as she rubbed her skin with her delicate hands. She rotated her neck to ease her aching muscles, pondering if her recent activity with Kenshin had anything to do with it.

Just then, a hand clasped her mouth, stifling her scream. With swift movements, he hit the right pressure points leaving Kaoru unconscious.

He lifted her from the tub, dressed her in a yukata and bound her hands and feet. He hoisted her to his shoulder, smiling smugly at his success. This would surely awaken the dragon inside his rival.

Back to the previous chap…

On to the next chap…

Back to Epics Index

Back to Indulgence


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.** **The rights to Rurouni Kenshin are exclusively owned by Watsuki Nobuhiro, Sony Entertainment, Shueisha, Jump Comics and other associated groups. Do not sue! I am writing this to satiate my urge to write.**

Be Still My Heart 

**Chapter Sixteen**

Kenshin remained inside the dojo, patiently waiting for his love's return. He kept himself busy by practicing his katas to warm up for their nightly training session. Just then, he turned around, catching a kunai aimed at him. A note was attached. He unfolded the paper to read its contents.

_Himura,_

_I have your woman. Do you still want to decline on my challenge?_

_Meet me by the Dragon's Lair._

Kenshin crumpled the paper on his hand, throwing it on his side. He placed his katana on his side and ran with his god-like speed to their rendezvous point.

With narrowed amber eyes, he search the area.

"I see you have obliged me," Jin'eh smiled.

"Where is Kamiya-dono?" he asked calmly, masking the panic he felt that moment.

"You're woman? Don't worry Himura, she is fine." Wanting to enrage him some more, he smirked "Actually, she is great if you know what I mean."

"How dare you!" he growled.

"That is right, be angry," the madman smiled. "I want to fight you in your fullest so that I can prove myself."

Gathering his remaining composure, Kenshin sneered, "Even if you defeat me, Hiko Seijuro will never teach you Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu after you have desecrated this shrine. That is… **if** you beat me."

"I will and the moment I do I'll just tell him what I know. That is, I found you here, fornicating with your _whore_ and I had to punish you for your dishonorable act."

"Do not call her a whore!" Kenshin snapped, unsheathing his katana that instant. 'She is the daughter of an esteemed daimyo!"

"Oh, really? All the more interesting. Let's hear it for the scandal and shame you have brought unto this school and unto her name."

Kenshin knew his opponent's psyche and he wouldn't let him provoke him some more with his trivial talk. He didn't needed that anymore. He was already pushed to his limits. Jin'eh's yapping was just a waste of time for him. "Enough bullshit. Let's fight."

"I thought you had no intention of fighting me or anyone else for that matter," Jin'eh mocked as he unsheathed his own katana.

Preparing himself for a battou-jutsu stance, he snarled, "I will fight you for her honor, **bastard**."

**And so the challenge was met.**

Upon hearing the battle cries on the nearby cliff, Hiko and Saitoh bolted to the source. They found themselves in front of the dragon's lair, surrounded by deathly silence. With mutual understanding, they barged inside.

Both stood still on their position, unable to contain the stunned look of their faces. There on the floor, laid Jin'eh body pooled in his own blood. On the other side was Kenshin cradling a half-naked Kaoru on his arms.

"What's going on in here?" Hiko Seijuro demanded.

Kenshin regarded both his masters with cold reverence as he removed his partially bloodied gi in an attempt to cover his beloved. He carried her in his arms and said, "Shishou, Saitoh-sama, I can explain everything."

"Alright, let's talk about it in the office," Hiko Seijuro nodded, leading the way

Kenshin stepped aside, motioning his other master to precede him.

Saitoh blew out his cigarette and said, "Go ahead, I'll just make sure that he is dead."

Kenshin nodded in understanding as he followed Hiko close behind.

Upon seeing the endearing look the red-head samurai gave the blue-eyed landlady, he smirked, "Ahou…" Saitoh shook his head in disapproval, turned to the fallen swordsman and stabbed his katana straight into his heart. He swung the katana in the air, ridding it of the blood before returning it to its sheathe. With that task done, he walked back, interested to know what really happened.

Kenshin and Kaoru need not explain much during their talk with Hiko and Saitoh since both had an ample amount of idea what was going on. They weren't as dense and oblivious as the former. Probably, they were the first to detect that something was going on before Kenshin and Kaoru's closed hearts even noticed.

In any case, what had happened had already happened. Nothing could be done to repair the damages.

As Hiko walked Kaoru, Kenshin stayed with Saitoh, preparing himself. He had already taken full responsibility for what had transpired and he was ready to face the full impact of his actions. Lowering his head, he sighed deeply.

"Ahou!" Saitoh scolded in a voice fiercer than usual.

Kenshin kept his face down, hand clenching on the edge of his gi.

"You are more stupid than I think you were. What were you thinking?"

"I…"

Losing his composure, Saitoh clutched Kenshin's gi, leveling with his eyes. "Answer me!" he demanded.

Looking at the wolf straight in the eyes, he stammered, "I don't regret anything, Otou-san."

**Author's Notes:**

I have to confess that I am not really good with battle scenes. I didn't want to write a lame one so I just left it blank. I am reserving and gathering all my brain juices for the final battle with Shishio.

More revelations to follow!

Back to the previous chap…

On to the next chap…

Back to Epics Index

Back to Indulgence


End file.
